It isn’t surprising that the workplace is the #1 spot for both singles to meet their mates and for straying husbands or wives to find their mister or mistress. In fact, Business Week magazine reports that 82% of extramarital affairs happen in the workplace, many of which begin unwittingly. For companies, this news is nothing new, and policies have slowly been put into place over the past decade to ‘allow’ workplace romances without causing the business to suffer. Some of these policies are hidden in the language of sexual harassment, while others exist in non-compete or non-disclosure agreements. The truth is, you can’t stop love, and now that men and women are working so closely together, workplace romance is sure to continue.
The trend of workplace romances picked up around 20 years ago when more women began pursuing professional careers. While such relationships occurred before that point, they didn’t happen to the extent that they do now. The reasons behind these relationships are pretty clear-cut. When two people with a common interest or passion, as well as a common understanding, spend so many hours together, camaraderie develops. This person can quickly seem to understand you more than your spouse does—or at least better than anyone else—because they’re experiencing the same day-to-day challenges. From there, a friendship can evolve into an emotional attachment.
If you aren’t married, this isn’t such a bad thing. It gives both of you plenty to talk about and share. However, if you are married, this ‘relationship’ can offer a break from the routines of family life, which can seem easier and more natural. Before you know it, many of the conversations you once had with your spouse (or partner) are now being shared exclusively with your co-worker, making for an easy attraction that could lead to a physical affair. Suffice it to say, if you are married, workplace romances are never a good thing!
If you are single, however, and working in a professional field that you love, it only makes sense that you would share certain qualities with your co-workers. Since communication in the workplace develops faster (because it has to), there’s less awkwardness to deal with. Brainstorming sessions or after-hours meetings can turn into stolen romantic moments, and the comfort level is already there. Of course, it’s absolutely important to ensure that you are staying within company policies and addressing any potential conflict-of-interest situations promptly. Depending on the seriousness of the workplace romance, it may even be wise for one of you to seek alternate employment.
What If the Relationship Doesn’t Work?
One thing you may not consider while you’re in the early stages of a workplace romance is how things will go if the relationship doesn’t work out. It’s fair to say that we rarely know every little detail about the people we date, and some can turn out to be downright strange. Before you start sharing deep, personal secrets, consider the potential impact they could have on your career if a breakup occurs and these personal tidbits get leaked.
Keep in mind, as well, that the close professional relationship that helped you get into this situation might become a mess if the two of you are no longer romantically involved. Even if you think this is your “forever person,” remind yourself how many times you’ve felt that way before. Working together after a breakup can be frustrating and painful, requiring a great deal of emotional stamina to resolve. And worse, if a former lover starts spreading rumors about you, your professional and personal reputation can be easily damaged.
Many businesses strongly discourage workplace romance. Despite—or perhaps because of—this, businesses are acutely aware that love in the workplace has the potential to cost them thousands, if not millions, of dollars. One leaked trade secret, a sexual harassment lawsuit, or any number of other issues can arise at any time. If your company looks down on this sort of thing, it’s best to keep it a secret and out of the office. If you are married and having an affair, be extra careful, as your head could quickly be on the chopping block.
When it comes to your professional life, you need to remain aware of where you want it to go. Is it worth having a man or woman coming between you and the job of your dreams? Office relationships often breed jealousy and can cause the rumor mill to run wild—especially in the workplace. The old double standard often leaves the woman in the situation belittled for her flirtatiousness, compromising her professional integrity. While it’s true that being in the same line of work, with the same company, and having endless hours to spend together can be bonuses, the extremes of falling in love can cause a decline in both your performance and job security.
Honest truth: workplace love can be fun. Sharing secret innuendos, making out in the coat closet during breaks, or sneaking off in separate directions only to meet again during lunch can make you feel like a teenager again. The forbidden fruit is always the tastiest. While the newness and excitement can stem from sneaking, hiding, and trying to shield your workplace romance from the rest, you must ensure there’s more substance to the relationship than just that. Many people find that once the secret is out, things become much less entertaining. With that decline in excitement, comes a decline in passion and ‘love.’ Sometimes, people—single or otherwise—are just looking for ways to spice up their lives rather than form long-term, committed, and meaningful relationships.
If that’s the case, you could be taking a risk with your future in more ways than one. So, whatever you do, proceed with caution.
