We sometimes forget that we’re human.

It’s almost instinctive to recklessly fall into the trap of emotional perfectionism, holding and containing our emotions so tightly, showing others a masked, false representation of who we are. Instead, we allow unexpressed emotions to internally wreak havoc on our systems.

It’s the agonizing pain in the pit of our stomach, a nagging heaviness, a lingering fatigue or the explosive rage that keeps rising to the surface. Then the inevitable release of emotion happens, prompted by a final straw. Now, we’re exposed. Our inner world is now externally on display for others to witness.

The idea that we can choose to acknowledge and feel through our emotions has been quieted, and for some, even silenced. For good reason, we fear the emotional labels they’re emotional, they’re so angry, they can be explosive, they’re always crying.

Have we forgotten; we all lose our cool.

Emotions are meant to be felt. They prompt us to inquire within, freeing us from outdated narratives around emotional suppression. When we recklessly choose to feel comforting emotions only, negating the discomforting ones, we create more suffering. In fact, a study from the University of Texas found that we actually make emotions stronger when we don’t acknowledge them.

It’s time we permissively ditch the notion that we have to hold it all together. Here are four freeing ways to ground yourself in your emotions.

1. Evaluate and Re-Define: What is your relationship with feelings? Do you welcome all emotions as an opportunity to clear what needs to be observed and released? Or are you someone that cringes at the thought of emotions or makes efforts to distract from the uncomfortable ones?

When you honestly assess how you engage with your feelings, you create space to boldly provoke and bring to the surface underlying messages that influence your current relationship with feelings. What messages have you been given? How have others responded or reacted to your emotions?

Identifying your relationship status gives you the freedom to re-define how you choose to engage with your emotions, detaching from messages that no longer serve you and allowing you to connect to those emotional parts that are asking to be seen and heard.

2. Distract with Awareness: We all have moments when we feel out of sorts and what we do in these raw, emotionally overwhelming moments matters. This is where we separate avoidance from distraction. Avoidance is when emotions get neglected without any intention of returning to or addressing the emotion. Distraction, however, is a deliberate time-out, taking space to move away from the emotion for a period of time, yet mindfully returning to face the vulnerability.

Bottom line, distraction is an awareness to retract, then return. Remember, distraction isn’t a one-size-fits-all, so be sure to jot down a list of different distractions you can use in these big feeling moments.

3. Match or Mismatch: This tip is the go-to for when distraction practices don’t immediately remedy the emotional overwhelm. First, connect with yourself by describing in detail how your body feels in the moment. Then, ask yourself, what is it that my mind and body need right now?

Typically, if the energy in your body is moving with a higher intensity, it’s best to choose an exercise that will match the moving energy, whereas a heavier or slower energy would require a practice that meets the lower intensity. For instance, if you’re experiencing a sluggish energy, a high intensity workout is likely not the best immediate match, yet a slower breathing practice such as alternate-nostril breathing could be.

4. Self-Validation: Often times, we look to external sources to validate our emotional experience, yet what happens when we don’t receive the response we were needing or hoping for? Take a moment to pause and check-in with yourself. How do you typically respond when your emotions are invalidated by others?

Here’s the hard and messy truth. You have the power to validate your own emotional overwhelm and experiences. After all, you know you best. It’s time to re-connect with your internal resources and step-up to be your own emotional advocate.

What do you want to hear? What do you need most right now? How can you best be supported? Once you’ve answered these questions, engage in self-talk using the words or phrases you identified and permissively give yourself the support you need.

Big breath in, deep sigh out. As you curiously tune-in to your emotions, remember every emotion has a purpose. Emotions are intended to expand and flow, even the discomforting ones.

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What happens next isn’t so expansive. It’s that moment when you realize a gap exists between where you are and where you want to be. Overwhelm and discomfort set in. Now, you’re faced with a choice; do you stay exactly where you’re at or do you bravely take action to close the gap?

Staying is a conscious decision, the consequences already known and currently living. Stepping forward is a leap of faith, determined by countless efforts to discover the depths of your parenting power. It’s movement toward definitive resources, a grounded choice to live on the edge, releasing control and pushing against the status-quo.

It’s messy and it’s exciting, pulling you toward mystery and innovation. Still need a nudge? With only 38 percent of Americans reporting overall satisfaction, staying stagnant can no longer be a viable option.

Here’s 5 steps to observe the gap and choose your edge.

1. Boldly Question: You’ve acknowledged where you’re at, now what? Ask yourself, “what isn’t working?” This isn’t just about your parenting role, often times what’s happening outside the parent-child dynamic is equally important. Inevitably, if you experience stress in one area of your life, it will fuel overwhelm in another.

Now that you have a list, next to each parenting item, ask yourself “what do I want this to look like instead?” Get specific. If yelling is an area that needs attention, then talking calmly and responding, versus reacting, is an option. I encourage you to think beyond actions and really tap into the energy behind the behavior; “How would you feel during and after?”

2. Forgive the Messy: Completing the first step is a vulnerable process, exposing some of our yuckiest parenting moments. This magnification often invites guilt, and if we’re not too careful, can lead to a downward spiral of shame and self-judgments.

Forgiveness is not about making excuses. It’s about bravely owning your parenting mishaps, and permissively saying, “I don’t have it all figured out and I make mistakes.” You can’t change what already happened, yet your past can inform your future.

Create a container for self-compassion and ask yourself, “what can I learn from this messy moment?” or “how can this information guide me toward the parent I desire to be?”

3. Expand from your Center: This step is deeply personal and invites you to connect with your core, opening the space to ground in self-reflection.

Ask yourself, “who am I and what kind of parent do I want to be?” Think about this question from the perspective of your identity, how do you want to define yourself, and how do your parenting priorities and personal values align with the parent you desire to be. Like step one, the energy and vibe of what you want to embody is also important.

4. Release and Let Go: It’s time to acknowledge the old and say goodbye. We want to liberate the parenting version of who you were, setting free what no longer serves you.

This isn’t a frivolous act; we want to be intentional in our farewell.

Old templates of how we acted provide valuable information, showing us what may have been necessary at a specific time, or highlighting parenting lessons we needed to learn. For that, we can practice gratitude, thanking the earlier parts of ourselves for playing this role.

When we take a curious approach to what was, we have a greater chance of letting go, no longer harboring resentment, and making room for the new to unfold.

5. Step into Practice: Now that you have a strong sense of the parent you want to be, ask yourself, “What’s needed for me to be the most successful?” The answer will help ground you in your next right action. The answer may require new boundaries, learning to say no, increasing resources, acquiring new skills, or changing a pattern.

Change isn’t easy, so expect some bumps along the way. Part of taking action is course correcting. As you step forward with a new practice, evaluate your efforts. Identify what’s working and what isn’t. Ask yourself, “does my action feel aligned?”

As you close the gap, detach from outside chatter and undue influence. Dare to dream and step into your power as the parent you want to be.

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I often question how the script would shift if we got brutally honest, shining light on the raw, behind the scenes moments. Yes, judgments would still exist, but would they prevail amidst an experience that says, “I’m not okay” or “I thought this would be easier.”

I’m also curious to know how conditioning plays a role. Are we more interested in the dramatics of a story or a happy ending, or quick to disengage if the content connects us to our own discomfort? If so, no wonder we don’t openly share the hard realities of who we are.

We’ve confined ourselves to a box that limits us from sharing our authenticity, neglecting the hidden power behind shared experience and collective healing, therefore keeping us in our own suffering. The more we hold on and hide, the deeper the scars. We could apply this habitual pattern to most experiences, taboo topics carrying a heavier weight.

Taking the mask off is a vulnerable choice, yet once removed, experiences take on different shades. Truth becomes a sharpened edge, piercing through deceit, allowing the narrative to be rewritten and the opportunity to embrace every aspect of who we are, mess included.

As we do, we need to re-examine two things.

1. Freedom: The saying goes, “The truth will set you free,” yet I think we need to expand on this. I would suggest, the level of freedom you desire will depend on the depths of your honesty. The more truthful you are, the freer you will feel.

This is about owning all parts of our narrative, the good, the bad, the ugly, and fiercely stepping up and taking responsibility for our part in what happened. How did we impact what happened? What role did we play? Pointing fingers and placing blame is an option, an easier one at times, but it also keeps our truth hidden in the shadows.

We also can’t outrun a story already written, or own only part of it, minimizing what happened or neglecting our true feelings. If we try, it can show up in different ways such as depression or anxiety, and impact our relationships or capacity to engage in our daily routine with focus.

Truth will continue to obsessively poke at us to bear our truth, desperately asking us to own what was and what is. The choice is yours to make, when you’re ready of course. So, ask yourself, how free do I want to be?

2. Fear: Science tells us that fear is a primitive response, an alarm that prompts a physiological response in the body, waking your nervous system and preparing your body for fight-or-flight. From this perspective, fear is adaptive, keeping us safe from danger.

Biology aside, what about fear that is self-inflicted? The fear that changes shape and lives largely in our mind; one day a faceless, abstract concept provoking insecurities, then another a concrete representation of an unresolved past.

Looking in the mirror is a bold choice, yet it’s more daring to stare with intent, refusing to turn away. When we hold space for our truth to be unleashed, we see its true size and we see its depth. Yes, it will induce fear. Yes, it will stimulate unwanted feelings, yet the more you gaze, or peek for starters, the easier it becomes.

Here’s another piece to consider. If we are expecting others to hear our truth, judgment-free, and with an open mind, then we need to be holding this compassionate space for ourselves first and foremost. We need to be our own audience that says, “I see you and I hear you.” If not, we’re giving energy to others to determine if our story is worthy of whatever merit we’ve attached to it.

Truth, freedom, and fear, an intricate trio that leave us with a choice. Do we let them live under a mask, or do we bravely acknowledge the stories that came before, own our narrative, and give freedom the opportunity to prevail over fear?

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We can be reckless with our health, neglecting the voice that shouts, “slow down.” Even with the bombardment of resources on self-care, we stubbornly keep pushing forward, often feeling defeated, and losing our edge along the way.

Losing our edge, while a messy process, is a beautiful reminder to reset, stimulating the fierce fire within that says, “you got this, charge forward.” This nudge is an opportunity to embrace what is, encouraging authenticity to be the guiding source.

Yoga holds space for fierce to cultivate; it’s a cultivation of power, an inner strength that provokes the real you. Come exactly as you are, no judgements. It’s an invitation to bear witness to who you are, harmonizing the mind, body, and spirit. What can be more alluring than that?

Here are 5 practices to help stimulate your fierce.

1. The Breath: When we’re out of sorts, breathing becomes restricted, out of sync, lacking a comfortable rhythm, and we desperately look forward to a moment to simply catch our breath. Breathing is a concrete action of input and output, yet this simple action turns complex when we feel in over our heads.

With attention to the breath, the transition between the sympathetic nervous system (inhale) and parasympathetic nervous system (exhale), our imperfections become an integral part of our growth, seen not as flaws, but unwavering allies that help us find meaning.

2. Power Pose: Some days we need a reminder that we’re amazing despite our perceived imperfections. A moment in time to defer responsibility and ground in our power. A pose that screams, “I’m standing in my power” or “This is me.”

Yoga has various poses to choose from, but you’re also invited to come as you are. If you have a stance or movement that makes you feel like you can conquer the world, let that be your power pose. Remember to place attention on the breath, and if you want to get extra creative, add a sound or mantra, a phrase you can repeat, that supports you to root in your power.

3. Meditation: Silence, friend or foe? Depending on the day, the answer could sway distinctly in one direction. Sitting within the stillness of who you are can attract negative chatter and a hyper focus on what’s not working. It’s daring to sit in your complexities, allowing whatever arises, to simply be.

Meditation gives silence power, inviting a greater understanding of who we are to emerge. When we mindfully connect, we focus on the present moment, no longer attaching to what was. We let go of what’s to come, allowing the present moment to grab our attention.

With daily practice, silence becomes an ally, allowing us to listen to what we need most.  We give ourselves priority, synchronizing mind and body for increased strength and mental clarity. Alongside the many health benefits, meditation offers different ways to practice, so finding your meditative fit opens the door to bravely welcome what works best for you.

4. Detachment: With the many hats we wear, it’s easy to define ourselves by the various roles we play. We assign expectations, sometimes unrealistic ones, for how to act, what to say, giving meaning to our every action. We analyze until we’re exhausted, or we compare ourselves to others.

What if there’s an alternative to the self-inflicted scrutiny? We can strip away these layers, letting go of constructs. Ridding labels. No more titles. This can be incredibly freeing. Shedding creates connectedness, because in this bare, raw form, comparisons don’t exist, and expectations don’t lead. We simply are.

5. Intentions: Acting with awareness. I often think that “aha” moments give way to insights. We gain more clarity, yet the “aha” can quickly turn into an “uh oh,” especially when we consciously know, we can no longer hide behind impulsive action.

Sometimes, we don’t want to U-turn. We recklessly push forward, though in awareness, knowing that the outcome won’t be favorable. When we’re intentional about our choices, change inevitably happens. So be permissive, in time U-turns will become less frequent, and a new pattern will emerge.

Yoga is a powerful practice, challenging us to recognize our most captivating selves. The invitation remains open; you’re invited to connect with your most dynamic self.

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The average person spends one third of their lifetime at work, according to information out of Gettysburg College, and this doesn’t include the additional tasks we absolutely need to complete or the growing list of to-dos. This signals to me that we need to approach play with more conscious awareness. Play is a choice, a voluntary decision to provoke fun, throwing responsibility to the side, and saying yes to innovation and spontaneity.

Here are a few ways to rebel against tradition and revive that juvenile part of you that’s eager to play:

1. Connect with your Inner Child: Your inner child is an expression of your childlike self, the one that exists within, and may need the gentlest of nudges to engage the world with excited energy. Think about things you loved doing as a child, activities that made you smile from ear to ear or endlessly captivated your interest. What made you giddy? When we return to an earlier time in our play history, we give ourselves permission to observe what fun feels like as an adult.

2. Dare to Wonder: These three words immediately unleash expansiveness, freeing curiosity to take center stage. Curiosity invites our logical mind to take a backseat, focusing our attention on a desire to learn versus needing to know. This minor shift broadens our perspective, making room for imagination and innovation. We’re more apt to ask questions, see beauty in what previously seemed ordinary, and find joy and meaning in everyday interactions. Let your innocence lead the way and stimulate the opportunity for new discoveries.

3. Ditch the Judgments: It’s easy to get caught in a perception that all eyes are on you, especially when you’re trying something new or engaging in an activity that provokes some level of fear. Often times, this skewed observation is born out of experienced criticism and we’re now worried of what others might think. So, we hide in the shadows, anxiously wishing we had the courage to try.

This comes at a cost. It’s the bucket list that hasn’t been started or a simple “next time,” yet time continues to come and go. What price have you paid? I encourage you to take a risk and do the thing. I can guarantee that you’ll find more than just a moment of fun, you’ll find your power and the strength to bravely step into new situations like no one’s watching.

4. Process, not Outcome: We live in a culture where outcomes are incentivized. Value is placed on the final product, so it’s no wonder we overly focus on the end game and undervalue the in-between; those necessary steps that get us from start to finish.

Play, on the other hand, has zero limits. There are no boundaries for how to be or do, no performance reviews, or time constraints. It’s inviting, giving rein to maneuver in whatever way makes sense to the individual. Put simply, you get to show up exactly as you are. When we authentically immerse ourselves in the process, we mindfully redirect our attention to the in-between. Within this space, creativity flourishes and each moment, is met with gratitude.

The idea that play is just for kids no longer needs adult validation. In a world where responsibility is significantly valued, let’s rebel in favor of fun and re-discover the beauty of play.

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