If you leave yourself last, then you risk your own health and well being. But what if we could look at selfishness differently? What if we were able to change our perspective and look at selfishness as necessary self-care. If you leave yourself last, then you risk your own health and well being.

A car cannot drive if it does not have any gas. You must fuel yourself so that you can be helpful to others. Selfishness means that you take care of yourself…body, mind, and spirit so that you can be the best version of yourself. Once you strengthen the relationship you have with yourself, you become more available to those you love. So redefining selfishness means that your self-care is not at the expense of others.

When we are feeling that we can’t embrace our selfishness, what we’re really saying is that we can’t even bring ourselves into the equation to have our needs met. At times we may utilize people pleasing behaviour to boost our own self-esteem. We live in reaction to others, almost as a co-dependent relationship, and we allow our moods, behaviours, and actions to be determined by the people around us.

Redefining selfishness begins with being willing to believe that we are worthy of receiving. Once we can identify our own non-negotiables and give ourselves as much (or more!) than we give to others, we become comfortable with naming your own needs and then asking for what you need.

What are some of the first steps that are needed to embrace selfishness?

1. Selfishness is not a bad word. If you leave yourself last, then you risk your own health and well being. Selfishness means that you take care of yourself body, mind, and spirit so that you can be the best version of ourselves. It is strengthening the relationship you have with yourself so you really can choose to say yes to you, in service of being more available to those you love. It’s not at the expense of others. We must begin to see self-care as a proactive behaviour and not a reactive knee-jerk reaction.

2. Changing your language, changes your mindset. The conversation that you have with yourself reflects your mindset. You must consciously change your inner dialogue. If your dialogue is continually negative, then you will be stifling your own growth. When we are feeling that we can’t embrace our selfishness, what we’re really saying is that we can’t even bring ourselves into the equation to have our needs met.

3. There is courage in jumping out of your comfort zone. The courage to pivot means jumping out of your comfort zone so that you can see other paths for your life, and you muster up the courage to no longer settle with being comfortable Redefining selfishness begins with being willing to believe you are worthy of receiving. Anchoring in your own non-negotiables and giving to yourself as much (or more!) than giving to others, calls upon you to get comfortable with naming your own needs, and then asking for what you need!

So, let us challenge what our beliefs are regarding selfishness. We need to realize that taking care of ourselves and expressing our needs is mandatory and not an afterthought! 

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Is it the amount of money they have?

Is it simply their personalities?

Is it the circumstances they’re going through?

Nope.

While all those things certainly can play a role in the amount of joy a person experiences, they’re not the primary factor.

The primary factor is gratitude.

Gratitude has the power to change any situation. Specifically, gratitude has the power to change the way we experience any situation. Psychologists and other therapists who use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or CBT) as a therapeutic modality will aim to guide their clients to understand that it is not the situation that determines our attitude or emotions, it is how we approach or perceive the situation that will ultimately determine how we feel about it.

Being grateful may not change your circumstances, but it does change you, and that makes all the difference. This is the power of thankfulness. It has the power to change the very way we experience life. It can neutralize negative emotions and enable us to learn incredibly valuable lessons even in the midst of challenging circumstances. Thankfulness has the potential to transform your health, both mental and physical. It can also transform your spirituality and help you attract good things into your life.

With thankfulness comes great power. And the more you cultivate gratitude, the more power you will experience in your life.

First and foremost, gratitude is a way of living. It is a state of being in which you open yourself up to receive good things. It is a posture of openness, receptiveness, and willingness to receive abundance. And when you do receive those good things, you instinctively and consistently give thanks. In other words, gratitude can be described as an emotion which is similar to appreciation. Someone can experience gratitude for someone or something at a certain moment in time, and someone can experience gratitude for a more long-term period of time, which is seen as a positive character trait.

Gratitude is not a one-time event where you simply say, “Thank you.” It’s an entire way of being in which you joyfully receive good things and give thanks for those good things.

So, gratitude is a habit. It is a perpetual way of life, almost like breathing. You take in something good and breathe out gratitude.

• Receive
• Be grateful
• Receive
• Be grateful

It is a beautiful cycle and a powerful way to live.

Gratitude comes from the recognition that you have received something good. In other words, you did not create this thing yourself. Rather, it came from outside of you. From God. From a friend. Maybe even a complete stranger. Because you received something from outside of yourself, it means that you did not make it. It’s not like you built something through your blood, sweat, and tears.

Rather, someone gave something valuable to you. When we work hard to create something, we can say that we earned it. Gratitude, on the other hand, comes when we receive something that we have not earned. In order to be grateful, you must regularly recognize when you have been given good things. You must cultivate the ability to look around and see when good has been done to you or given to you. 

Notice how gratitude connects you to something larger than yourself. This is one of the great powers of gratitude. It takes us outside of ourselves and connects us to other people, nature, and even a higher power.

Gratitude Is an Affirmation of Goodness. In other words, it is recognizing that not only have we received something freely, but that thing we received is also good. As a result, we are grateful. It is important to regularly be grateful for and affirm the goodness that flows into our lives.

Looking at some of the opposites of gratefulness can help us better understand exactly what it is.

The opposite of gratefulness is:

• Complaining
• Discontentment
• Envy
• Anger
• Frustration
• Thanklessness
• Unhappiness

The good news is that you cannot simultaneously be grateful and be in any of the states just mentioned. You could say that gratefulness is exclusive. It expands and does not make room for anything else. When you are grateful, you simply do not have space to complain or be angry or frustrated. You only have room for gratefulness.

Would you rather be filled with gratefulness or with envy, anger, or discontentment?

If so, then you must seek out a life of gratitude.

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