I understand your complaints. My husband cooks way more than me, but the dishes/kitchen are my problem. He won’t touch a broom/dustpan/mop. I am disabled and pretty much dependent on him financially. It’s nice to eat, but I’m always in way too much pain & too exhausted to clean after a meal that he cooks. As far as the toilet seat; I had a female comment to me back in the early years of our marriage that “well, he could just as easily complain that you don’t put the seat up when you’re done”. I no longer have a problem with the toilet seat, because to me; she was right and it’s just such a minor annoyance, that I don’t even notice anymore. I wish someone would impart on me some profound words of wisdom, that magically transports me to that same state of bliss about everything else. Seems that’s literally the only way I’ll be able to live comfortably, if I learn how to ignore it and be happy.

Oh LAWD! I’ve been dealing with this crap for 26 years! If I had the ability to match his wages; I would’ve given up YEARS ago and got a maid, which I would’ve paid out of HIS salary, since I physically pay all the bills (just not financially)! I’m basically dependent on him now and cannot do anything but clean up after him. Things that would take like 30 seconds for him to handle; he leaves for me. He KNOWS how frustrating it is for me. I have severe back pain/problems and standing over the sink to scrub dried food from dishes is extremely painful for me. I’ve asked him hundreds of times to please take the scrub wand that’s ALWAYS in the sink and run over his dishes when he’s done. The most I can get out of him is to “soak” them. The problem with that revealed itself around 6 months ago when I had surgery and couldn’t stand for 6 weeks, during which time he did NOTHING but “soak” dishes. He always brought me takeout and bottled water since I still needed to eat, so I never set foot in the kitchen through that time. When I was able to stand and kind of walk; I made my way to the kitchen and almost fainted because it smelled so bad and because my level of anger hit all new heights. My back still hurts and he SEES me propping my head on the shelf above the sink while rinsing because my core muscles are so weak and forcing myself to stand/lean causes more pain. To make matters worse; my dad left his wife and moved up here. Not into our house (thankfully I think), but he’s very close by and they hang out quite often. My dad is almost as bad in a messy way, but my complaint is how they’re ganging up on me. Because they’re supposedly “joking” anything I say is being mean and over reacting. I’m at my whits end I tell ya!

Well your wrong because I’m the husband and the neat freak and my wife has never done any cleaning. I am on disability for chronic pain and still try to keep a clean house with 4 animals. My wife of 24 years just sits on the couch and does nothing to help . I take the dogs for walks , clean kitty litter, feed animals, make dinner, fix the cars, mow the grass, etc. she brushes her hair and leave the strands on the floor, sink,and shower. I’m so done !!! I plead with her to stop acting like a teenager and be respectful of my needs also.ugh !!!!!

What’s funny is he recently got mad because I didn’t thank him for sweeping the kitchen which I do 3 times a day because he’s such a slob. I asked him if he had thanked me for all the things I’d done that day and named them. No response.

Debbie, seriously think about getting out now. Make a list of pros and cons for the relationship, and if the cons outweigh the pros, then get out. I have been married to my lazy ass husband for 33 years. He didn’t have a job for the first twelve of those years (he was a part time student). He doesn’t lift a finger either inside or outside our home. I tried all the suggested methods — don’t get mad, don’t clean up after him, calmly discuss his behaviour with him — nothing worked. I deeply regret staying true to my vows and wish I had left him, but I would have received no support from conservative Catholic family, and did not feel brave enough to do it on my own. One thing I am glad about is that we never had children. He didn’t want them. I wish you the best.

I noticed that once I took a step back from house work, being at ease with some untidiness, and stopping with constant reminders, things became better.

After one week on strike he asked if I could use less dishes. His comment made me conscious that I did use alot so I became mindful about that. So I rinsed and reused my own plate and cutlery as I used them. Looks like he’s still washing up after he cooks.
He goes shopping to prepare 2 dinners a week. He’s been making his own work lunches! Goes to the shops a buys a roast and a loaf of bread. Quick and easy stuff he’s okay with.

Week2 he vacuumed the floor! (After he realised his muddy boots from the day before left crusty dirt here and there. I didn’t even ask him. That was a surprise.

I’ll keep this going, and see how it goes.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but he’s never going to change. I’d honestly think twice about getting married. Or postpone it until you guys are on the same page. I’m at my wits end

I did the same thing years ago. My wife decided to rent a storage unit to hide credit card purchases. Now we have $20k debt for this stuff, half of which was never opened or used. When her credit card was maxed out, she stopped paying the rent for the storage unit. So they threatened to sell it or throw it away. Rather than claim her stuff, she decided it was too hard and just let them take it away.