Comments on: Staying in a Marriage for Financial Reasons

By: davejhil

davejhil — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 10:37:39 +0000

The marriage life has its up and down. 20+ age gap btw us ( became mum in early 40) Both have our own objectives and goals to achieve and wanted to stay in the relationship to achieve the goals. Yes, he owns a house and financial stable, travel around the world, I brought in “fun”, beauty and youth. Win win

By: Rose

Rose — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 21:09:39 +0000

My situation is a little different than others, as my partner & I are not married. We were previously married for 4 years together a total of 7. We divorced & were separated for 2 years, in which we both had other partners. We’ve now been back living together/in a relationship for almost 4 years now. We have 4 children together all under 14. I am not at all attracted to him. I have no desire to be intimate or affectionate. When we don’t sleep together he acts like a child & ignores me. He does not help with our children at all. Our youngest child is 1, no help with her at all besides financially. We have discussed remarrying but I’ve yet to sign the paperwork. I really don’t want to marry him. I know he deserves someone who genuinely loves & cares for him. I have a job but don’t make enough to support me & the kids on my own. He makes 6 figures. If I give in & go with his flow I could have anything I want. This would be of a great discomfort. I am working on bringing in more income so that I can be free of this. Living this way is quite depressing. However, I’m torn. Should I stay for financial reasons or do I leave for peace of mind?

By: Gail

Gail — Mon, 10 Oct 2022 11:32:48 +0000

I am in a 31 year marriage in which my husband was previously my best friend for many of those years. My physical health issues, differences in spiritual beliefs, differences in how to raise our daughters and other life situations have taken us apart. I don’t believe he respects me, and sadly there are definitely areas where I no longer respect him. He no longer wishes to have sex with me, have any conversations of depth, or be affectionate in anyway. He tells me repeatedly that we are just roommates.

After a successful career complicated by health issues, I retired at age 50. I’m 57 now. He was very concerned that we could not live without my income, so I got him a job at the company I was at, increasing his income by 70% before I left. I also paid off the mortgage on our home with the bonus I received when I retired. I continue to have health challenges, but have still done many things in life to try and have new experiences.

This should be a time of great happiness for us, but it is not. I’ve gone to counseling to try and work on our marriage and asked my husband to go, but he refuses. Most of the time we do not fight, but when we do, the fights are deep and hurtful. We both say unkind things and demean each other. I don’t start with that intention, but the fact that he refuses to work on our marriage and has for all intensive purposes left our marriage is deeply disappointing to me. In fact, I’m angry that he won’t step up and fight for what we had. It makes me see him as less of a man and is part of the reason I don’t respect him anymore.

I am facing the fact that I am in a sexless, loveless marriage. We have significant assets that we have both earned over the years. It seems a shame for both of us to lose those assets because of divorce. I’m trying to determine if staying in a marriage as roommates later in life, where one is no longer cherished or intimate, is worth the financial security. What’s ironic is I never thought in a million years I would be in this situation. What I really want is for my husband to work with me to try and save our marriage, but that seems very unlikely.

By: tab

tab — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 07:14:33 +0000

In reply to Linda.

Linda, i’m staying in a marriage of 25+ years knowing
he will have to live with his daughter in a few years due to neglected chronic health matters. I won’t be a caregiver to someone who knows his health is quickly deteriorating as in ‘you reap what you sow’. We are also middle class retired with a bit of a nest egg left. Also a mortgage free house i plan to have on market within 5 years. Staying for financial reasons plus can see him being vindictive if i were to file for separation. Afraid i’d knock his block off if he became vindictive and thus be ashamed of losing control. Hold strong.

By: Charles

Charles — Tue, 26 Oct 2021 01:11:45 +0000

In reply to Linda.

It is interesting Linda…..I am in a marriage much like yours. But with me it is my wife who is dependent on me. Financially he and my son would live in section 8 without me. She refuses to get a job. he dad took care of her for her whole life before me (I should have noticed that when i met her). She could get a job but won’t. She is a good mom to my son……So I am forced to stay and support her. 13 years of pure hell….

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:53:18 +0000

I’m married (20 yrs) to a genetic male who is essentially bi-gender. I knew about his crossdressing and was ok with it, but now it’s become more frequent and it’s more than crossdressing, now it’s like living with 2 different people. I had a good life before we married. 10 yrs in his mother came home from down south when his father died. I made the least money (40k/yr) so I was pegged to take care of her. I tried to hire help to do it but she was too difficult and it fell to me. I ended up disabled after 4 1/2 yrs of caring for her and by the time she passed my body was so broken I could not work full time. I ended up on disability. I went from 40k a year to 12k. I’m trapped here. We have separate bedrooms. He still works part time so at least I have a little time to myself. I give him what he needs for sex monthly but have zero interest in him touching me especially when xdressed. S/he spends every waking moment that they are not working or needed for helping me reading and watching porn about forced gender changes. This marriage was the worst mistake of my life and I am stuck here. I can live on my own in low income housing and end up on food stamps or I can live here with 5 times more income in at least relative physical comfort. So yeah, I stay for financial reasons but food stamps are looking better all the time, even with me now in a wheelchair. Oh and we have very little savings. It all (mine and his 401ks) got used up taking care of his mother. We are building back up a little now but the manufactured home we had to move into after “mom” died still has a mortgage. I’m 62 and I truly hope I don’t live to be as old as my parents (90s) because I can’t imagine this hell for another 30 yrs. I feel so dead inside already anyway.

By: eliza

eliza — Wed, 13 Jan 2021 14:48:18 +0000

Im sttill young and so is my husband, we have a 5 year old but my marriage is done, my husband does not have any physical interest in me he has not touched me in a year, and i have tried , but does not work, so we are like 2 roommates living in the house, i do have a full time job, my daughter adores her dad and so does he, so for the sake of my daughter i will stay in the marriage even though my happinnes in the marriage is gone, i do it for my daughter stability and also because if i leave even with mt full time job, with my 5 year old will be very difficult. I know i should be happy this is my second marriage i did not have kids withmy previous one, I love my daughter i want her to be happy and i know seeing and being with her daddy make her happy at this point thats the only thing that matter for me, so i will keep my roommate relationship with my husband.

By: M.L. Stark

M.L. Stark — Fri, 25 Sep 2020 04:47:35 +0000

My 2nd post:

I keep reading, in the article, about “stability of the children, “for the children,” ad nauseum. When the mother of my children was discovered to have been carrying on an affair with my best friend (for 10 years), naturally the relationship was pronounced dead.

When I took it to my kids, they both acknowledged they’d know “for some time” we were unhappy. Neither of them advocated for us restoring the marriage. Each agreed “the best thing is for you two to no longer be together. You each should be happy.” BTW: one was 16, the other 17.

Neither of my sons wanted us to do anything for them, but to each love them. They accepted the condition for what it was. They each handled the split quite well. Each is established in solid relationships of their own.

The article kept referencing money and things. After 2 failed 22 year marriages, I now life in a 50 year old manufactured house of 1050 s.f. It is in a 65+ community of similar houses.

I don’t give a rat’s ass about material things. I have a small savings account, and own the house outright. My youngest son and his family live 1/2 hour drive from me. At 70 y/o, I work full time to supplement Social Security.

I will die in my house, living alone. My mental and emotional health are improved, though the vision of having no special person to whom I may give love is quite painful. I have great capacity for love. What a waste.

Screw material things, and screw money. I believe the two people in a broken marriage need to move on individually toward some level of peace.

As to staying friends for the children, screw that, too. Adult children are capable of dealing with divorce (death of a marriage) as they are dealing with death of a parent.

By: Pat Petry

Pat Petry — Tue, 14 Apr 2020 12:49:50 +0000

My husband and I are both in our early 70s. We’ve been married almost 40 years. It’s been a rocky marriage, both emotionally and financially. We have three children together who are grown and out of the house. He can’t perform sexually anymore and doesn’t even touch me affectionately. He treats me like a neighbor or a pal. I feel extremely neglected. He’s an introvert who doesn’t mind spending all of his time by himself. I am an extrovert so it’s been maddening since the kids left. He is usually “pleasant” to me but when he loses his temper, he is foul-mouthed towards me. I have had my own job and try to stay independent as much as possible. I try to maintain relationships with friends and family so I’m not alone. We have struggled financially but finally have a nice house. Both of us have a very modest retirement fund. We are both part of a religion that frowns on divorce (another reason we have stayed married all of these years). If we divorced, I would lose half of the house, half of our possessions and access to his retirement and social security accounts. I did the math and I would lose @$300,000 which I cannot afford at this stage of my life. Since I am over 70, the possibility of finding another spouse or satisfying relationship is remote. Therefore, I have decided that the best option is to stick it out. I am not really happy or fulfilled, but I think I would be unhappier if I had to spend my golden years in poverty.

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 28 Aug 2019 19:15:00 +0000

This was an interesting article. I am in an emotionally unsatisfying marriage. Have been for many years. I am 65, my husband is 73. Part of the reason I stay is obligation the other part is financial. Other than financially I take care of my spouse. I am finding his dependence on me very burdensome. He does not have a life outside of what I offer. I am sick of the responsibility of keeping him entertained.
I have changed my life over the past five years through counseling and a spiritual practice. We have grown even further apart.
We have a loose agreement now which allows me some freedom to pursue my own interests, travel etc. I have no interest in finding someone outside of the marriage so this isn’t an issue.
I spent a lot of time feeling I was shortchanging myself by remaining in a marriage of convenience. Your article provides an interesting view of the benefits. We are both retired. Our lifestyle is comfortable but we are far from wealthy. Splitting the assets, pensions etc would have a definite impact on both of our standards of living.
One of my closest friends split from her long-time common law partner last year and I have seen first-hand the impact the split has had. My friend has gone from a fairly opulent lifestyle to living in rented accommodation with her adult daughter and her daughter’s friend. She had to move away from her local area and has no friends in her new neighborhood.
Is this the trade off for leaving? That’s why your article was helpful and thought provoking. There is a huge change in lifestyle when middle class couples split later in life. It seems as if it is a matter of trading one set of problems for another.