I totally agree that this is offensive. There are many people who have neurological conditions whose symptoms include struggling to remember dates etc . This does NOT mean that they don’t care or that these dates aren’t important to them, just that some people have difficulties which make it harder to get organised. The tool suggested here is a good idea and might help some people but its important not to judge everyone as ‘uncaring’ for forgetting dates. People can be ‘uncaring’ in the way that they label people too!

My husband has forgotten our anniversary, my birthday, and Christmas for three years now. But he goes out of his way to create really intricate drawings for his collabs in the Online art community. I saw a message on his IPad( he had left it on the table I was sitting at and I glanced)that said ‘my wife’s birthday is coming up and I need ideas of what to draw’ I assumed it was him asking his friends or something for ideas for a drawinghe was making me for my birthday. I felt bad for seeing it but anticipated a cool drawing from him. I assumed wrong. I got my hopes up for nothing. Then a few weeks later I saw a post he made for a fellow artist ‘Happy Birthday Ananna’. Boy did that burn.

When doing applications, I managed to misspell “week” as “weak” nearly 5 times in a row, and even when looking it over multiple times, I never caught it. I’ve plastered sticky notes, notifications, and reminders for deadlines, yet I’ve still managed to mix up Nov 1 with Nov 15.

I don’t know what my mom likes. I’ve asked her before, and she merely shrugs with “whatever you give me is fine”. She has no hobbies, only working and watching sitcoms with the expression a person has when they’re only watching something to pass the time. Does it make me at fault for not knowing what she likes, then?

You are not worthless. This is a stupid article written by a non professional who knows nothing about diversity in people. Anyone who feels they are entitled to be celebrated just because of some made up holidays for retailing is the selfish one. We shouldn’t have to spend every dime we have and all our spare time on appeasing people just because we might hurt their feelings for not celebrating their existence.

Wow, this is far more constructive way of talking about this situation than the article. Thanks for sharing, Ami!

Basically, the author labels people with a poor memory for dates who don’t remember birthdays and other important dates as selfish and lazy, and they say that remembering birthdays is something simple and necessary. I have a couple feelings about this.

On one hand, I disagree with the author’s generalization about the sorts of people who forget birthdays. To me, birthdays are just days we assign value to because that’s the calendar day we were born on; I don’t feel that dates are related to actual people in any way. As someone who chronically forgets birthdays, I can say 100% that I do care about PEOPLE, but I just don’t care about (and can’t track) dates. I will admit I’m selfish to a point, like all people, and I value my own comfort, but not enough that I’d purposefully forget people’s birthdays and not do something if I’d known; it literally just slips my mind. I literally can’t do something I had no idea I should’ve done. Really, I’d say in most cases, there’s just a difference in priorities; some people care about special dates like birthdays and keeping track of them, and others just don’t care what the day of the week is. That’s fine.

On the other hand though, (and this is where I think the author could have been more constructive), I do agree that if you do know how important birthdays are to certain people in your life, even if you really just don’t mind that much, making an effort to remember is the right thing to do, though not because of some weird “don’t be selfish!1!!1” thing, but just because that’s how it is sometimes.

I’d say a more constructive way to explain the importance of remembering birthdays is that if something is really important to someone you love, like going to a concert for example, or maybe doing a weird hobby, even if you don’t really care for it, you do it anyways just because you love them. That’s how I treat birthdays; I don’t really give a crap about some random day, but because I’ve noticed that some of my loved ones really value birthdays and see them as part of their identity, and they got hurt in the past when I forgot them, I’ve decided to use my phone calendar and reminders so that I can remember them in the future. In this sense, I think the author’s advice about technology (calendars, reminders, flower service thing) could have actually been helpful, though unfortunately in practice they were way too rude, demeaning, and condescending to properly help anyone.

TLDR; not remembering dates doesn’t automatically make people uncaring or toxic, it usually just means they can’t remember dates. The best way to go about this article would’ve just been to explain why remembering birthdays is so important to some people, and maybe how to apologize and some tips on how to remember in the future. Not this condescending mess.

I don’t think this article is about “one” mistake. Sure, Sh-It happens. We all have times when we are overloaded and this article does mention this isn’t about that. This is about douche bag that somehow forgets (meaning never remembers) to acknowledge the special moments of other people that are close to them. The narcissistic father that forgets his kid’s birthday every year, that type of thing. The inconsiderate spouse who constantly forgets his wife’s birthday and their anniversary, etc. You know, things that honor someone you love, things that show you are a loving and considerate human being. If you’re feeling defensive about it…you might wanna ask yourself why.

Sixteen year olds and nineteen year olds are still in that self absorbed and narcissistic stage of life. You know, the “I know more than everyone else even though I’ve never actually experienced anything” stage. They won’t hit maturity for a few more years. So, yeah, kids can be kinda douchy but, hopefully, someday, all the years of parenting starts to kick in and they snap out of it. Kids today are under extreme pressures that previous generations were not, all the while going through more neoteny then ever before. It’s a bizarre mix that’s contributing to suicide. So, you might want to cut them a bit of slack. Just cross your fingers and hope they come out of it OK. If you raised them right, taught them empathy through development, they have a higher chance at becoming kind and empathetic human beings in the future.