1: Show up smelling like a cigar, without a shower, drunk, and proceed to dance with the bar stool.

2: Use the opening line on a first date: “I normally only date skinny women.”

3: End the first date with, “Will you do ecstasy and have sex with me?”

4: Ask a woman out when you’re already in a committed relationship or married. Seriously. I have to say this.

5: Be on your phone texting throughout the date.

6: Hold your date’s hand during dinner, eagerly listen to everything she says, give her a kiss goodnight, and then completely blow her off for a second date.

7: Ask to borrow money repeatedly. And when she blocks you on her phone, borrow your new girlfriend’s phone and call again.

8: On the first date, show her 50 photos of the scantily dressed beautiful women you’ve dated in the past.

9: Plan a romantic weekend with your girlfriend. Day 1: Enjoy a beautiful night of intimacy. Day 2: Get so drunk you pass out for hours. Day 3: When you wake up, tell her it’s her fault you drank so much, and that she’s not your type anyway.

And last, but certainly not least—

10: After a night of intimacy, make sure there is no cuddling, don’t tell her you enjoyed being with her, and avoid looking her in the eyes after she just opened her entire heart and body to you.

I’ve heard it said that relationships are where people “work out” their issues from the past. All I can say is, I must have had a ton of issues! Each of the above circumstances is either my own dating experience or that of a close friend. While shocking, they collectively and individually taught me something about myself. I learned how to communicate in a non-reactive way. They taught me to love myself first and be true to myself—no matter what. I’m forever thankful for the opportunity to grow as a woman, realizing that I do not need to settle.

No longer will women sit back and allow men (and vice versa) to take advantage of them or treat them with such disdain. We live in a day and age that calls for wider respect, honest communication, and deeper intimacy. Nothing less should be accepted.

Men, I invite you to always be honest with your date. But first, you must be honest with yourself. Why are you really dating? If it’s only for the thrill of a few moments of pleasure, make sure those expectations are expressed upfront. What are your underlying intentions?

Miscommunicated or unspoken expectations will leave your date wondering what just happened when she thought she was building an emotional relationship (even after six months), while you only wanted a physical one. Deep communication—open, honest, and deliberate—is the key to dating and cultivating a relationship that lasts.

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Have you ever experienced a time in your life when stress took over your body?

Stress itself can be debilitating. Our bodies go into fight-flight mode. We may crave chocolate and wine even though our bodies slow down digestion. Muscles tense up. We can’t think clearly. We may even cry or scream without notice!

It’s normal to have stress in our lives and it’s normal for our bodies to react. It’s trying to protect us. To help us. Your body is reacting as a way to protect you from harm. The harm may be real or imagined. Your body doesn’t know the difference.

Physically, mentally, emotionally—our bodies begin to echo the stressors in our lives. Sometimes it happens slowly. Often, though, it happens quickly. An accident. Upsetting phone call. Trauma. Unexpected death(s).

Top 10 Stressful Life Events

According to the widely validated Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, these are the top ten stressful life events for adults that can contribute to illness:

1     Death of a spouse

2     Divorce

3     Marriage separation

4     Imprisonment

5     Death of a close family member

6     Injury or illness

7     Marriage

8     Job loss

9     Marriage reconciliation

10   Retirement

Maybe you’re in the middle of a drawn-out stressful period in your life as you read this. Maybe you’re just a phone call away from sending your body into “freeze” zone, as I call it. And, our naturally tendency is to grab the first thing we can find to make the pain go-away. We lean towards numbing ourselves when we feel stressed. Sometimes we overindulge in food, gambling, sex, sleeping, exercising, drugs, alcohol, and more. We want to grab something fast in our tool kit to ease the pain of the stressor.

What if, just for today, you made a choice to not wish the stressor away and instead choose some radical self-love?

Radical self-love begins with grace for whatever you’re going through. It begins with honoring your body, your feelings, and whatever is happening in your life to cause such great distress.

Below are a few tips that I invite you to incorporate when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

1: Get more oxygen in your body. Sit down and start to breathe deeply.

2: Pray and meditate. For me, praying is when I’m doing all the talking. It’s also a time of expressing deep gratitude for any little thing you can think of. Meditating is when I get quiet enough to hear the answers. This is when I hear next directions and what my soul is saying to me.

3: Take a long Epsom-salt bath with Lavender and Stress Away Essential Oils from Young Living.

4: When you feel up to it, talk to a friend about a happy subject.

5: Depending on the stressor, ask yourself the question… in 5 years, is what is bothering me going to be important?

Eventually, you will be able to function at a new-normal. At that time, bringing in singing, dancing, walking, and gentle yoga would be extremely beneficial to help re-connect to your body while allowing the stress to dissipate naturally.

Whether you are experiencing a long, drawn out stressor or one that is suddenly forced upon you, either way, having a few tools in your tool kit for not IF it occurs, but rather WHEN is important. In the meantime, during highly stressful times, continue to practice radical self-love and extreme self-care to help support yourself.

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