How to Get a Stranger to Talk Honestly with You

Tom Chorneau — Mon, 24 Jun 2024 01:11:22 +0000

An estimated 25 million Americans suffer from some form of social anxiety disorder, or as it might be better understood, extreme shyness.

I’m one of them, or at least I was. The phobia is characterized by an intense fear of social situations in which others are positioned to scrutinize or judge. For some, the disorder can be debilitating. I never had panic attacks or chest pains, but I was certainly ever-anxious when interacting with strangers.

This became a big problem as I began work in my chosen profession: a news reporter. First, I didn’t interview well, so it was hard to land a job. And then when came time to jump in and start mixing with the real world, I was initially hesitant and slow.

Thankfully, my first editor wouldn’t give up on me. He would coach me up and send me out again, somehow understanding what was going on. After a few weeks, I had an epiphany: most people want to talk about themselves. They don’t mind opening up to a stranger like me. They want to tell their story or at least their side of it.

A decade or so into my career, I sat across from Arnold Schwarzenegger, then Governor of California, in his famous smoking tent in the courtyard of the Capitol. He was enjoying the last butt of a Cuban cigar, taking it down to the end the way some might smoke the roach of a marijuana cigarette.

We’d been talking for about a half hour. He was very skilled at staying on message and ignoring most of my questions. But with the cigar butt becoming more of a visual issue, he offered without solicitation that his then-wife, Maria, only allowed him one cigar a day. He said he was very careful to get all he could out of that one smoke.

Schwarzenegger, a master communicator, felt the need to justify his actions to me. Why? How do you get people, even those skilled in the art of verbal combat, to open up?

Here are 4 ways to help to get anyone to talk honestly to you.

Have a logical opening. Make sure your subject understands why you want to talk to them. Keep the explanation simple and logical. I was at a farmers’ market in the Bay Area once and recognized Milton Friedman, the Nobel prize winning economist. I interrupted him as he was evaluating fresh oranges. I asked why the fruit in the stores was so much cheaper when so much of it was imported from other countries. He was happy to chat about it.

Show interest. This might seem too obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people are distracted or worse, uninterested, while supposedly in conversation. Make eye contact. Be available. I noticed that the woman who served me coffee this morning was very pregnant. She told me she was eight months along, that it was a girl and that she would name her Riot to go with her other daughter whose name was Rebel. Had another customer not been waiting behind me, I would have learned about why she chose such colorful names.

Do not interrupt. Dennis Miller, the comedian, came to the capitol in Sacramento to see his friend Arnold. I ran into him coming through the doors. I was flustered and unprepared and ended up answering the question I’d asked him. “That’s a rookie mistake, my friend,” Miller answered and walked away.

Use pauses to your advantage. Silence during a conversation is a vacuum that almost everyone will try to fill. Resist. Often people are assembling their thoughts. You may have asked something that creates conflict in their mind. You’ll want to wait for their answer. I knew a mayor in a small town where I once edited the local paper. His wife had made a spectacle of herself before a council meeting, something she’s done before but this time it was over the top. I called the mayor the next morning for reaction. “I have no comment,” he said, and I let the words hang in the air for a moment or two. “You know when she comes up to the podium, I never know what she’s going to say.” “So you are commenting,” I said. “No, no comment. ”No further comment,” I corrected him.

There are many people blessed with the ability to gain the trust of strangers with just a smile. I’ve had to learn how to do it. I think that if you are honest in your approach, if you are willing to exchange thoughts and can contribute – most people will open up about themselves.

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A Reporter’s Tips To Increase Kid’s Success

Tom Chorneau — Mon, 20 May 2024 20:08:41 +0000

There is a widely held belief among educators that 8th-grade algebra is a gateway course to college. As one who struggled with math, I would suggest another pathway to academic success. The ability to write clearly and logically.

I would further argue that the best way to teach good writing habits is to study the hard news story. Indeed, the hard news format, practiced by journalists for generations, is an efficient and flexible tool for instilling discipline and focus for young writers.

Talk to any English professor, and they will tell you how poorly the average high school senior is prepared to deliver functional writing assignments. They will tell you how students lack an understanding of structure and order. They struggle with assembling the research needed to make a strong case. They often underestimate the amount of time needed to complete each stage of the process, which leads to rushed and poorly executed products.

I believe I can provide solutions to all of this through the introduction of a project-based curriculum rooted in journalism.

Project-based instruction, also known as “linked learning” or “work-based” learning, is a concept found to be especially successful in improving outcomes for at-risk students. Central to the curriculum is the linkage of traditional academics with real-world job applications.

Research shows that students enrolled in linked learning programs have higher graduation rates and lower drop-out rates with increased postsecondary preparedness and enrollment.

Such results have led some school districts to dedicate entire high schools to the linked learning format. Sacramento City Schools, for instance, has a high school where students are preparing for careers in health care, from doctors and nurses to paramedics, hospital administrators, and even facility engineers.

Here are 4 strategies my class would emphasize.

The inverted pyramid. Visualize the Giza Pyramid turned upside down, so that the entire structure rests on its tip. With that image in mind, let’s consider a few facts of a make-believe news story that starts with a traffic accident and a pedestrian badly injured. To properly organize this news story, the writer must decide which facts go first, and the inverted pyramid provides the answer. The idea is to give the reader the most fundamental message first. A 51-year-old man was killed Wednesday in a traffic accident on Main Street. The second sentence might carry the next most important fact. The victim, Fred Smith of San Francisco, was a political consultant and an advisor to Gov. Gavin Newsom. Each of the following sentences would carry additional details in descending importance. Once a student has some exposure to this skill, their writing overall will be forever improved and carry over into all other coursework.

Short, declarative sentences. The demand for brevity goes back to the Civil War era when news was transmitted on telegraph wires and a dollar value was attached to each letter used. More than that, however, simple sentences support clarity and reduce the pitfalls of poor grammar. Hard news is formal, and its topics are typically serious. Conversational language is discouraged.

Time management. A reporter on deadline must quickly assemble the elements of a report. Many inexperienced writers spend too much time procrastinating, which leads to indecisive communication.

Research. Despite claims about “fake news,” no newsroom I ever worked in, tolerated even a hint of fabrication. Reporters are required to use credible sources to build their stories. Generally, editors want to know who the sources are even if the reporter has agreed not to name the source in the story. Working under deadline, a reporter must know where to get the information needed to fill out the story.

In my class, objectivity and accuracy would be constants.

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Tom Chorneau, Author at

How to Get a Stranger to Talk Honestly with You

Here are 4 ways to help to get anyone to talk honestly to you.

A Reporter’s Tips To Increase Kid’s Success

Here are 4 strategies my class would emphasize.