Finding the Right City: Why Denver?

From the beginning, Nate and McKayla knew they wanted to build something meaningful in a major urban center. After extensive research and reflection, Denver stood out. During a focused preparation period, they developed a deep appreciation for the city and recognized its distinct character.

Denver is vibrant yet complex. Its population, as Nate discovered, includes many who don’t typically engage with local churches. Over 90% of Denver’s population doesn’t identify as actively churchgoing, which presented both a significant challenge and an opportunity to serve the community meaningfully.

Creating Connections in a New Community

Entering a city where they knew almost no one meant that Nate and McKayla had to prioritize relationship-building. With guidance from the Association of Related Churches, they learned effective strategies to engage people who might have had little or no interest in traditional church activities. Their approach was simple and authentic: They aimed to position themselves as willing partners in community-building, collaborating openly with other established local organizations.

Their genuine efforts quickly resonated. From the outset, Devo Church became a place where people felt welcomed regardless of their background or previous experiences.

Impacting Lives Through Authentic Community

One powerful story from Devo Church’s launch illustrates the deep impact of genuine connection. On their very first Sunday, a member of a local gang attended their service; soon after, he decided to change his life. Choosing to leave behind gang involvement, this individual made a profound personal decision to pursue a new path, beginning a positive transformation that was celebrated privately yet powerfully within the community.

For Nate and McKayla, stories like this exemplify the motivation behind their efforts—they strive to create real opportunities for individuals to experience personal growth and transformation.

 A Foundation Built on Clarity and Collaboration

When Nate and McKayla felt ready to begin their new project, one of their first decisions—after gaining support from their mentors—was to reach out to ARC. Their prior experiences with the Association of Related Churches had already shaped much of their journey: They both had initially connected with ARC churches during pivotal times in their lives. This history made ARC a natural choice as a key partner in their new endeavor.

Working closely with the Association of Related Churches, the couple gained clarity on crucial logistical details like creating timelines, building volunteer teams, and developing effective local outreach. ARC’s structured but adaptable roadmap provided essential support, helping them tailor their approach to Denver’s urban landscape.

Adapting to Unique City Dynamics

The Association of Related Churches’ coaching particularly supported Devo Church in addressing specific challenges unique to Denver. Nate and McKayla worked alongside their ARC coach to continually refine their approach, addressing potential blind spots and ensuring their strategies resonated within their community.

This careful adaptation allowed Devo Church to more effectively reach people who might otherwise have felt disconnected or uninterested.

Looking Ahead: Continued Impact in Denver

Nate and McKayla’s experience planting Devo Church underscores a crucial insight about starting any new project: Success comes not just from ambition but also from clarity, adaptability, and genuine community engagement. Through their ongoing partnership with the Association of Related Churches, Devo Church continues to establish itself as a place of meaningful community connection and positive change in Denver.

About the Association of Related Churches (ARC):

The Association of Related Churches (ARC) represents a collaborative network comprising independent congregations from various denominations, networks, and backgrounds. Its primary mission is to provide essential support and resources to church planters and pastors, enabling them to effectively share the teachings of Jesus Christ. ARC’s operational approach revolves around empowering and equipping church leaders, thus helping them foster the widespread dissemination of Christ’s life-changing message. Established in 2000, the Association of Related Churches has evolved into a worldwide entity and has played a pivotal role in facilitating the establishment of over 1,100 new churches globally.

The post How Devo Church and the Association of Related Churches are Making an Impact in Denver appeared first on .

This is my story of time, laughter, love, distance, and hope—and why, sometimes, logic should be tossed aside when it comes to love, passion, or even something as reckless as swimming without shark nets. We are here for a brief moment, so why not live life fully and love fearlessly?

Back in ’99, when I first heard the suggestion, I probably thought, “Africa? Yeah, that could be fun. I’d get to see the behind-the-scenes footage they never showed on Mutual of Omaha when I was a kid. Heck, I could ride a camel, dive in the Red Sea.” But how did a simple suggestion from a travel agent—”Ever thought about floating down the Nile?”—end up changing my life? Egypt was never on my top ten list. After all, I’m from small-town Alberta.

But from there, I floated down the Nile, kissed under the stars, followed someone to the UK, and then… well, there was a lot of time. A lot. But sometimes, Maktub—it was “written”—shows itself when you least expect it. So to hell with logic. If you don’t get this part, and you’re searching for love—or simply yearning to change your life—read The Alchemist and stop resisting what destiny has planned for you.

When I say “a lot” of time, I mean it. We didn’t see each other again for over 20 years. But when the pond finally brought her to Canada, everything felt like it had come full circle. When the elevator doors opened, I saw her: still blonde, that same bright smile, just as radiant as it was in ’99. In those first moments, I knew this was something special. Over the next few days, there were trees with lights, a cozy dark restaurant, a box full of pastries, chocolate… so many smiles, so much laughter. Zing!

A year later, I was on a flight headed her direction, a maple leaf on the tail of the plane. Suddenly, I was surrounded by roos, signs warning about snakes—and, of course, the beautiful blonde beside me. What a trip. It wasn’t easy heading back across the pond, unsure if or when I’d see her again.

She saw your land. I saw hers. Then came the question: “Want to meet somewhere next year?” Tickets were bought. Plans were made. Somewhere in those plans was a trip to the Tiger Temple for her birthday. What I will say is, if you’re over 30 and bust your toe the morning before you go, still be a man about it—but don’t sign up for the 1260 steps up to the Tiger Cave Temple, in Krabi! That was a challenge—but boy, did we laugh. Almost as hard as when the call of the moose echoed through the Queen’s art gallery the day we both went home.

Thailand was full of sparks, long walks, swims, great food—and feelings I had never experienced before. With each day, we discovered more about each other. We grew together, and I realized that no distance could diminish what was blooming between us. The chemistry was undeniable.

True love is crazy. If you’re after simple, predictable, and easy, I hope you enjoy boredom. For some, love is expressed in a Celine Dion song, or Dean Lewis, or simply being together in a shack with a didgeridoo playing in a song called Prayer, with no words at all. For others, it might be listening to Swift at 50+. It’s in a million songs, and it’s different for everyone.

What I know for sure is this: though your heart beats and pushes blood throughout your body to keep you alive, love—and sometimes age—can cause it to skip a beat. The feelings in your heart can make you laugh, tear up, and question so many things, no matter your age or where you live. Listen to your heart.

We are here for such a short time, and unfortunately, few of us truly get to experience love and feel whole—especially when it comes to new love as we grow older. When it comes to love, don’t settle for the “golden years” and the mundane. Be big kids. Kiss in public. Hold hands. Date. Challenge each other. Sing songs like you’re 20 for the rest of your life.

The post The Pond – a Story of Love, Time and Being Big Kids appeared first on .

I would say the number one reason people seek help is relational, because relationships are both the source and joy and pain for most of us. People in our world matter to us, and the impact is physical as well as emotional. Why is this?

Let’s say your immune system has to fight a viral or bacterial infection. Lots of white blood cells charge to the site of the infection. Those white blood cells secrete inflammatory cytokines to help destroy the infiltrating pathogens and repair damaged tissues. However, when those cytokines aren’t well regulated, or become too great in number, rather than repair tissue they cause tissue damage.

Emotions create the same response.

When we experience stressful emotions -anger, fear, worry, rumination, grief – the HPA axis releases stress hormones, including cortisol and inflammatory cytokines, that promote inflammation. More subtle types of tissue damage can happen slowly, over time, in response to chronic stress.

The problem is, when you are facing a lot of chronic stress in your relationships, the stress response never shuts off- you’re caught, perpetually, in the first half of the stress cycle. There is no state of recovery. Instead, the stress response is always mildly on – pumping out a chronic low dose of inflammatory chemicals.

Inflammation translates into symptoms and disease. This is why there is a significant link between individuals who experience chronic stress and significantly higher levels of inflammation and disease. It is vital to our health to address our relationship stress.

1. Be honest with yourself. It is my observation that very often people who are ill due to relationship stress are in denial that the relationship is the problem! We tend to be overachievers, highly responsible people who honestly believe we can handle everything and that if we do feel stress, it is situational. If we are going to heal, we have to willing to say we are stressed and need to do something about it.
2. Ask for help. Again, because we tend to be problem-solvers and super-competent, we assume we can read a self-help book or watch YouTube and manage the situation. If this were the case, you would have already done so. It might be time to reach outside of yourself for more guidance and support. You DO have limits, even if you try to not acknowledge them. It is not a weakness to seek information beyond yourself – it is actually a sign of wisdom.
3. Be willing to follow suggestions. One of the signs of stress is cognitive rigidity, and we tend to reject input and information when we are overwhelmed. We think we know better, or the suggestions feel too threatening. Slow down, take a deep breath, and approach the guidance you receive as an experiment rather than a judgment about you.

When people address their emotional reality, they very often find their body follows suit, and as they begin to gain clarity, feel more emotional regulation and stability, their blood pressure reduces, and medical illness becomes more manageable. I encourage you ogive yourself this opportunity. Remember, as you feel seen and heard your heart connects.

The post When Our Relationships Make Us Sick – 3 Ways to Navigate Relationship Stress appeared first on .

The Power of Rituals

Rituals have anchored human societies throughout history, and familial ones are no exception. Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays are more than just dates on a calendar; they are steadfast moments dedicated to honoring family ties. Owning a calendar filled with these occasions ensures members gather, reminisce, and create new memories. These celebrations build rituals that families depend on, fostering a sense of belonging and continuity across generations.

When the time comes to wish your brother in law a happy birthday, it marks more than just the passing of another year. It turns into a meaningful occasion for reflecting on family connections and strengthening those interpersonal bonds, further embedding the values and traditions celebrated in our familial gatherings.

More than just routine occasions, these practices knit together the fabric of family life. Each shared celebration becomes a valued tradition, symbolizing strength as family units navigate through life’s challenges. The rituals serve as markers in time, chronicling the joyful moments that punctuate the family’s shared history and creating smoother transitions from one generation to the next.

Celebrations as a Stress Reliever

In the hustle of life’s obligations, respite is not just welcome—it’s necessary. Celebrations allow families to momentarily escape the usual grind and focus on joy and gratitude. They provide a collective sigh of relief, a chance to recharge batteries and realign priorities. In these serene moments, families can reflect on what’s important: togetherness, love, and shared well-being.

Strengthening Emotional Bonds

Gathering together for celebrations does more than provide an opportunity to eat, drink, and be merry. It strengthens the ties that bind. Shared laughter over a sumptuous meal or enthusiastic participation in family games cultivates a unique emotional tapestry. Family members reconnect, share tales of past exploits, and reaffirm bonds. Being present at these gatherings reinforces feelings of support, affection, and mutual understanding.

These bonds, when properly nurtured, provide a resilient net during life’s tumultuous moments. Such depth of relationship ensures that family members feel empowered to reach out, confident that support and empathy await them. This trust, cultivated through years of shared festivities, aids in creating an unshakeable familial network where joys are multiplied and sorrows divided.

Passing on Values and Traditions

Every family has a collection of values, traditions, and stories that define its core identity. Shared celebrations offer a natural setting for passing these on. The foods we eat, the stories we tell, and the songs we sing—all play a role in educating the younger generation about their family’s cultural heritage. Children exposed to these traditions during festive gatherings carry them into their futures, ensuring that family legacies are preserved and treasured.

Through storytelling and shared experiences, families communicate fundamental lessons of courage, perseverance, and compassion. The younger members absorb these values, embracing them as a guiding force for their personal journeys. These celebrations act as both a time capsule and a beacon—anchoring the past while guiding the way forward with knowledge and legacy intact.

Encouraging Cooperation

Organizing a memorable family celebration demands effort, planning, and collaboration. Assigning tasks, such as cooking, setting up, and decorating, turns the gathering into a cooperative endeavor. People work in tandem towards a common goal, strengthening their bonds in the process. Through celebrating together, families learn patience, compromise, and the value of teamwork.

This communal ethos extends beyond individual celebrations, deepening interpersonal relationships and allowing family members to develop invaluable life skills. Their combined efforts serve as a testament to their unity and determination, reflecting a shared resilience against whatever trials the future may bring.

Inclusive Environment

Family celebrations define inclusivity at its most intimate level. Embracing relatives of all ages and even welcoming friends or newcomers into these moments encourages a feeling of unity. Such celebrations transcend individual differences, focusing on common joys and shared experiences.

Fostering Open Communication

In our day-to-day lives, finding time to communicate deeply with loved ones can be challenging. Celebrations carve out space for these interactions. They provide ideal settings for listening, sharing, and bonding without the distraction of life’s usual influx of tasks. Open communication during such occasions enhances understanding and resolves simmering tensions, promoting long-lasting harmony.

As conversations meander through varied topics, trust rebuilds and familial connections renew. These candid exchanges foster genuine empathy, bridging gaps in understanding. As family members listen, respect, and articulate, personal bonds solidify, ensuring that every voice resonates and every heart feels acknowledged.

Final Words

In celebrating unity, shared family gatherings act as potent cement, solidifying relationships that stand the test of time and tribulation. By reinforcing values, enhancing communication, and ensuring continued traditions, these celebrations build strong familial foundations. They encapsulate the warmth, love, and compassion that define what it truly means to be family.

The post Why Shared Celebrations Enhance Family Unity appeared first on .

I’m one of them, or at least I was. The phobia is characterized by an intense fear of social situations in which others are positioned to scrutinize or judge. For some, the disorder can be debilitating. I never had panic attacks or chest pains, but I was certainly ever-anxious when interacting with strangers.

This became a big problem as I began work in my chosen profession: a news reporter. First, I didn’t interview well, so it was hard to land a job. And then when came time to jump in and start mixing with the real world, I was initially hesitant and slow.

Thankfully, my first editor wouldn’t give up on me. He would coach me up and send me out again, somehow understanding what was going on. After a few weeks, I had an epiphany: most people want to talk about themselves. They don’t mind opening up to a stranger like me. They want to tell their story or at least their side of it.

A decade or so into my career, I sat across from Arnold Schwarzenegger, then Governor of California, in his famous smoking tent in the courtyard of the Capitol. He was enjoying the last butt of a Cuban cigar, taking it down to the end the way some might smoke the roach of a marijuana cigarette.

We’d been talking for about a half hour. He was very skilled at staying on message and ignoring most of my questions. But with the cigar butt becoming more of a visual issue, he offered without solicitation that his then-wife, Maria, only allowed him one cigar a day. He said he was very careful to get all he could out of that one smoke.

Schwarzenegger, a master communicator, felt the need to justify his actions to me. Why? How do you get people, even those skilled in the art of verbal combat, to open up?

Here are 4 ways to help to get anyone to talk honestly to you.

1. Have a logical opening. Make sure your subject understands why you want to talk to them. Keep the explanation simple and logical. I was at a farmers’ market in the Bay Area once and recognized Milton Friedman, the Nobel prize winning economist. I interrupted him as he was evaluating fresh oranges. I asked why the fruit in the stores was so much cheaper when so much of it was imported from other countries. He was happy to chat about it.

2. Show interest. This might seem too obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people are distracted or worse, uninterested, while supposedly in conversation. Make eye contact. Be available. I noticed that the woman who served me coffee this morning was very pregnant. She told me she was eight months along, that it was a girl and that she would name her Riot to go with her other daughter whose name was Rebel. Had another customer not been waiting behind me, I would have learned about why she chose such colorful names.

3. Do not interrupt. Dennis Miller, the comedian, came to the capitol in Sacramento to see his friend Arnold. I ran into him coming through the doors. I was flustered and unprepared and ended up answering the question I’d asked him. “That’s a rookie mistake, my friend,” Miller answered and walked away.

4. Use pauses to your advantage. Silence during a conversation is a vacuum that almost everyone will try to fill. Resist. Often people are assembling their thoughts. You may have asked something that creates conflict in their mind. You’ll want to wait for their answer. I knew a mayor in a small town where I once edited the local paper. His wife had made a spectacle of herself before a council meeting, something she’s done before but this time it was over the top. I called the mayor the next morning for reaction. “I have no comment,” he said, and I let the words hang in the air for a moment or two. “You know when she comes up to the podium, I never know what she’s going to say.” “So you are commenting,” I said. “No, no comment. ”No further comment,” I corrected him.

There are many people blessed with the ability to gain the trust of strangers with just a smile. I’ve had to learn how to do it. I think that if you are honest in your approach, if you are willing to exchange thoughts and can contribute – most people will open up about themselves.

The post How to Get a Stranger to Talk Honestly with You appeared first on .

As a therapist, I’ve worked with many people who’ve suffered from perfectionism. What I’ve noticed is these clients are usually very empathic, gifted and conscientious people who care a lot about others. In our work together, we explore what purpose their perfectionism has served, so that they can release the pain and find greater liberation internal and in their lives.

Perfectionism can develop for many reasons. For some, it’s an anxious nature that’s temporarily soothed by feeling in control. For others, it’s the experience of being overpowered by unhealthy relationship dynamics in which the person struggling with perfectionistic traits typically feels exceedingly responsible for others. Or perhaps it’s evolved from a habit of comparing yourself to others and not feeling good enough.

No matter how or why your perfectionistic traits developed, it’s important to recognize them as a warning sign you need to heed. When you find yourself grappling with your perfectionism’s desire to be in control, it’s time to take a pause. It’s time to notice what’s happening inside of you and around you, so that you can discern what’s making you feel uncomfortable.

You may be feeling:

1. The need for self-protection. Automatic responses usually stem from a place of self-protection. This means that your urge to be perfectionistic is a sign that some part of you does not feel safe. It’s important to feel safe and secure, but it’s important to realize when you’re being given the opportunity to grow by stepping out of your comfort zone.

When you step out of your comfort zone, it helps you to feel more confident that you can navigate tough times. When your old ways of reacting surface, take a moment to pause and see if you can find the bravery you need to try something new.

2. A sign that something from the past is present. Perfectionistic traits may develop as a response to unhealthy interpersonal relationships or traumatic experiences. When you feel pressure to be perfect, it may be a sign that something does not feel right in the here-and-now.

This is why being mindful can help you can discern what’s happening. Perhaps you are experiencing an opportunity to heal from trauma you’ve experienced. Or, perhaps your reaction is an important cue that you’re in a problematic situation that could cause harm.

Whatever conclusion you draw from the warning signal, it’s important to listen. Self-reflection, self-soothing, and assessment of the relationships you have and the agreements you made are essential components of creating health and balance in your life.

3. The opportunity to change, heal, and grow. It’s my belief that we are in a constant state of evolution. Your evolution is tied into your ability to rise to the challenge, find fulfilment, and learn new and more effective ways to respond to distress. Therefore, each time you notice perfectionism trying to resolve your distress, this is an opportunity to grow.

Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, does an incredible job at breaking down perfectionism. Her Wholehearted Inventory provides a road map for how to move away from perfectionism towards habits and ways of responding to stress that promote resilience. This tool I use with clients regularly, because of the clarity and insight it provides.

Perfectionism, like all coping mechanisms, plays a role in your survival. By understanding what it’s trying to communicate, you gain self-awareness and the ability to make a plan for growth. Change happens with small steps that gently guide you to move from surviving to thriving.

The post Perfectionism: The Warning Sign You Need to Heed appeared first on .

How should you deal with people you care about whose views differ from yours?

In my practice as a clinical psychologist, I have dealt with too many unfortunate situations in which this issue creates serious conflicts between husband and wife, parent and child, siblings, friends, relatives, coworkers, and neighbors. Yes, serious divisions exist, but you don’t want to lose important relationships over differences of opinions on matters such as politics. So, how can you bridge the seemingly unbridgeable chasm between people with opposing views?

A number of conflict resolution strategies can help you deal with this challenge. Taking such steps is critical to keeping marriages and friendships from being shaken or broken by the inability to tolerate disparate views.

I had to learn and use these strategies to preserve my relationship with two close friends whose political views are diametrically opposite mine. Over the years, we have maintained and even strengthened our relationship with dignity and mutual respect. We made a conscious decision that being right or imposing our views on each other was far less important than maintaining the warmth and integrity of our relationship.

So, how did we do this, and how can you replicate that success?

1. Prioritize relationships. We actually do not want to – and should not – put key relationships on the chopping block. Period. No matter how passionately we feel about our positions and how insane we feel the other side’s ideas are, our human connections matter most. For that reason alone, this discussion is worthwhile.

2. Find common ground.No matter how opposite the other person’s views are, you can find at least one thing to agree on if you focus on commonality, not on why your friend is wrong. Finding meeting places in the middle requires creativity and humility, but you can build bridges. Perhaps you both prioritize education or the environment or animal welfare, even though you have policy differences. Start with what you share.

3. Avoid black-and-white thinking. When we are emotionally charged, the right hemisphere of the brain become very activated, especially the limbic system, the brain’s emotional center. When this area is on high alert, most of the nervous system’s neurological energy rushes to the right brain to maintain the intensity of its activation. Unfortunately, in the process, the left hemisphere – the brain’s logical processing center – essentially shuts down. As a result, in emotionally charged situations, we can’t process complexities. We see only the black and white, the right and wrong, and not the gray in the middle, the common ground. Perhaps you can both agree that the situation may be more complex than your debate can encompass and cool down the argument’s intensity, as well as your limbic system.

4. Show respect. Find ways to acknowledge or validate the other person’s perspective. Besides being an effective conflict resolution strategy, this can defuse a disagreement’s intensity because it shows you’ve heard the other person – without having to agree with him or her. Just telling people you hear and respect them often can neutralize the heat of an argument and even strengthen the relationship.

5. Agree to disagree. Deciding mutually to avoid discussing hot topics in order to preserve the dignity and the stability of your relationship is often the best solution. More fragile or at-risk connections may need this strategy to survive. Sometimes, the area of disagreement is just not worth creating harsh feelings. Let them be them, while you be you.

6. Broaden your perspective. Most challenging (but most worthwhile to your personal growth), is working on broadening your viewpoint to incorporate other ideas. Rigidity and inflexibility are rarely effective in relationships. Being able to see something from another person’s viewpoint is a valuable relationship tool. It also actually improves your cognitive flexibility, which will make you more effective in every encounter with other people.

Making peace and keeping peace among family and friends is a core value. As we head into another election season, we need to consider what our real priorities are: maintaining the integrity of our most important relationships and fulfilling the need to come together for the common good.

The post 6 Ways to Handle “People” Conflicts appeared first on .

Guilt is a complex and powerful emotion that can affect your life in many ways. It can hold you back from pursuing your dreams, expressing your true self, and living joyfully. However, guilt is not inevitable or permanent. You can break through guilt by challenging the myths that fuel it and taking action to transform your life. In this article, we will explore seven myths that can cause guilt and how to overcome them.

1. Expectations and Disappointment

Guilt often emerges when you find yourself juggling your expectations with those of others. It’s like trying to steer a train in two directions simultaneously. When you prioritize others’ expectations over your own, disappointment becomes inevitable. It feels like your dreams are derailing, and you’re sacrificing your aspirations for the sake of others.

Action Item: Begin by creating a list of your own expectations and those imposed by others. Analyze the conflicts and initiate open conversations to find common ground and foster mutually beneficial outcomes.

For example, if you are expected to follow a certain career path by your family, but you have a different passion, you can explain to them why your choice matters to you and how it aligns with your values and goals. You can also listen to their concerns and address them respectfully.

2. People Pleasing and Abandonment

People-pleasing often leads to self-abandonment. You feel compelled to please others at the cost of neglecting your inner knowing of what’s best for you. This can create a chasm between your authentic self and the persona you project as a professional people-pleaser.

Action Item: Practice self-compassion and assertiveness. Learn to say no when necessary, and prioritize your well-being without guilt.

For instance, if you are invited to a social event that you don’t want to attend, you can politely decline without feeling guilty. You can also use the time to do something that nourishes your soul, such as reading or meditating.

3. Knowing and Owning Personal Beliefs and Values

During conflicts, you might suppress your own voice and values, fearing discord. This suppression can lead to guilt as you feel like you’re betraying your true self. It’s crucial to differentiate between your beliefs and others’ expectations to maintain authenticity.

Action Item: Reflect on your core beliefs and values. Engage in open, respectful dialogues to express your perspectives and gain a better understanding of others’.

For example, if you have a different political opinion than your friends, you can share it with them without being defensive or aggressive. You can also listen to their views with curiosity and empathy.

4. Manipulation and Fear of Loss

Fear of loss, whether it’s relationships, status, or financial stability, can easily manipulate your decisions. You might compromise your authentic self to prevent these losses, resulting in guilt.

Action Item: Practice transparent communication. Express your feelings and needs clearly to reduce manipulation and fear-driven decisions.

For instance, if you are unhappy with your job, but afraid of losing it, you can communicate with your boss or colleagues about what’s bothering you and what changes you would like to see. You can also explore other options to better suit you.

5. Good Boy and Good Girl Syndrome

Society often teaches us that sacrificing our needs for others makes us better individuals. This “good boy” or “good girl” syndrome can lead to guilt as you prioritize others over yourself.

Action Item: Shift your focus towards self-awareness and self-care. Recognize that taking care of yourself is not selfish but essential for your well-being. For example, if you feel guilty for taking a break from work or family responsibilities, you can remind yourself that you are not a machine but a human being who needs rest and rejuvenation. You can also schedule some time for yourself every day to do something that makes you happy, such as listening to music, playing a game, or watching a movie.

6. Personal Authority vs. Capitulation

Guilt can arise from not asserting your personal authority. To break free, you must identify and claim your beliefs and values. This process involves dissecting your thoughts to distinguish between your authentic self and external influences.

Action Item: Regularly reflect on your values and assert your personal authority. Be selective in adopting beliefs, ensuring they align with your true self. For example, if you feel guilty for not following a certain trend or norm, you can question its validity and relevance for you. You can also decide whether it serves your best interests.

7. Sovereignty, Freedom, and Liberation

Guilt often projects onto others, preventing you from recognizing your true sovereign and liberated self. You were born free from guilt, but societal conditioning can obscure this original self.

Action Item: Reclaim your personal accountability. Lead your life authentically and with honesty, promoting sovereignty, personal freedom, and joyful liberation.

For example, if you feel guilty for making a mistake or failing at something, you can acknowledge it without blaming yourself or others. You can also learn from it and move on with grace.

Guilt is not a life sentence. It is a signal that something needs to change in your life. By identifying and debunking the myths that cause guilt, you can free yourself from its grip and embrace your authentic self. You can also take action to align your life with your values, beliefs, and aspirations.

The post Break-Through Guilt appeared first on .

We absolutely loved the family time activities and events like wiffleball games in the backyard or family cookouts. There are very few experiences in life that can be compared to the shock of death. Below are eight secrets to help you to better understand and manage your grief.

1. Proactively share with your friends and family how you are really feeling and specifically what type of help you need. Provide them with directions as to how to best help you. Ideas include:

• Encourage them to share stories and pictures about your loved one.
• Tell them to not try to fix your pain, but just to be there for you.
• Encourage them to be patient and understanding with you.
• Share with them that you have been through a traumatic experience and that you are a different person. Ask them to accept you for who you are now.

2. Try to understand that the world will go on, even without your loved one in it. It is so easy to get angry at the rest of the world. The sooner you understand this, the easier your grief will become.
3. Understand that “Everyone Grieves Differently”. If your spouse or parents or siblings appear to not be grieving or grieving differently from you, try to understand that everyone has the right to experience their own unique grief. It is not wrong, it is just different.

4. Accept the fact that it is natural for you to cry or get angry or be depressed. As a griever, you will feel multiple different emotions, sometimes all at the same time. These are normal. You are not going crazy.

5. Accept that your questions or “why’s” may never be answered. Example; Why did they die? Could I have done something different that might have saved them? Instead, let go of the “why’s” and accept what has happened and go on living. This is what the deceased would want you to do.

6. Identify and acknowledge that secondary losses like “loss of dreams” or “loss of financial stability” are a normal part of grief. Where the death of a loved one is considered the primary loss, experiences that flow from that death are called secondary losses. “Secondary” means that these losses come because of the death.

7. Try to find “new meaning” in your life. Ask yourself, what would my loved one want me to do? Would they want me to be sad and angry for the rest of my life, or would they want me to try to find new meaning and be happy once again? I think you know the answer.
8. Create something to “look forward” to doing. This could be a family getaway or vacation or something as simple as planting a garden. Just having something to anticipate in the future will help you get through the toughest of days.

The post Eight Secrets to Managing Grief appeared first on .

Even though Char and I had been married for 21-years, the way we grieved after the death of our two daughters, Jenelle-age 19, and Amy-age 9, as well as my mother, Jean, was like night and day.

• I cried often—Char didn’t cry for four months.
• I knew instantly that I would never see them alive again. She thought their deaths were a mistake and she would see them again soon.
• I was angry with God for not protecting them. Char knew they were in a better place—heaven.

Coping with grief as a couple is difficult. We were told that the divorce rate for couples after a significant loss was much higher than normal. We chose to not let our tragedy ruin our marriage. Instead, we chose to:

Plan Ahead

After a tragic loss, couples need something to “look forward to”. It can be something small—like a dinner date at a new restaurant—or something big—like a trip to Alaska.

It took us around seven months to even consider our future without Jenelle and Amy. In January 2004, we started talking about adoption. We had more love to give and were not ready to not have any children at home. We realized the process would take a long time, but we started looking forward to October 2005 when we would have a young child in our home again. Although the process took longer than expected, we first met our new daughter, Melissa, in Guangzhou China, on Christmas Day, 2005.

The second thing that kept us going was planning a family trip to Disneyworld in Florida.  Mom had always wanted to take the entire family—five children, five spouses, and eighteen grandchildren to see Mickey Mouse. We scheduled the trip around the first anniversary of the death of mom, Jenelle, and Amy.

Don’t focus on what you lost, focus on what you had!

It was nearly impossible to not think about our loss. It drove us crazy until we started thinking about the amazing nineteen and nine years, respectively, we had with Jenelle and Amy. Those years were amazing. Thinking about the good times helped us to be thankful for the years we had with our daughters and gave us the peace of mind to go forward with our lives. We also knew that our daughters would want us to have a good life, even without them. Ask yourself—what would your loved one want you to do?

Be Patient with Each Other

Couples need to support each other through this awful thing called grief. Understand that there will be good days and horrible days. Your job is not to make each other happy. It is to simply be there and let your partner know that you will be with them throughout your life together and that you can imagine a happier future together.

Write it Down!

Sometimes it is easier to write down our thoughts and feelings vs. trying to express them orally. If you are struggling with how to say what you are feeling and what you need from your partner, put it in writing instead. He or she will appreciate your effort and have a better understanding of exactly how to help.

The post Couples and Grieving appeared first on .