Managing Troubling Behaviors

This time of year is emotionally charged, and your child is likely experiencing a range of difficult emotions—guilt, anxiety, despair, anger, and loss. Old memories may surface, triggered by the smells, sounds, and tastes of the holidays. Take time to understand what your child is going through. Every adopted child experiences the holidays differently. Children who spent many years with their birth family and in foster care may have happy or sad memories of their birth families and old traditions. Internationally adopted children may feel disconnected from their cultural roots and may have many questions about their birth culture. Children from open adoptions can experience stress and conflicting feelings about both their birth and adoptive parents. Finally, children who know little or nothing about their birth parents may spend more time reflecting on the families they don’t remember.
Be observant during this time. Pay attention to mood swings, subtle expressions, and body language.

Try to understand what your child is going through by initiating discussions. Say things like, “You seem sad,” or “You seem frustrated,” and invite your child to discuss their feelings openly. Point out your observations in a non-judgmental way. This will help validate your child’s feelings. If your child is struggling with these emotions, create or purchase a blank book where they can privately record their intense feelings in a constructive way. If your child has a Life Book, take it down off the shelf and review it together. Talk about the memories, and explore the difficult thoughts that may have surfaced.

To keep both of you from feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to let the small things slide. Don’t try to discipline every minor misstep; focus only on the big issues. Forgive your child, and forgive yourself at the end of each day.

Maintaining and Creating Traditions

If your child is part of an open adoption and you have a positive relationship with their birth parents, it’s important to nurture this connection during the holidays. Perhaps you’ll start a gift-exchange tradition or an annual winter holiday brunch at your child’s favorite restaurant. This will help your child feel like they are part of a stable, healthy family unit. Never undermine the relationship between your child and their biological family. When a visit is scheduled, stick to it. Avoid stressful situations by keeping communication with your child’s birth parents open.
For internationally adopted children, learn about their cultural origins and incorporate these practices into your family traditions. These cultural roots are now connected to your family and should be acknowledged. Make traditional foods, celebrate special holidays, and discuss the origins of these holidays with your family. A similar approach can be beneficial for families of adopted foster children. These children may have strong memories of their previous birth or foster families. These roots should not be forgotten but celebrated when possible. Teach your adopted children that their memories of the holidays are valid.

To strengthen your bond with your child, develop new family traditions together. This will help your child feel less like an outsider in a family where traditions may have been established long before their arrival. For example, create a new holiday ornament together as a family every year. Light a candle for the joys and sorrows you and your child may be feeling this holiday season, and discuss them openly. Watch your favorite holiday movies together during a “holiday movie night,” and make popcorn balls and cookies for the occasion.

Avoiding Problems

Be mindful of how your extended family interacts with your adopted child during family gatherings. This is especially important in blended families with both biological and adopted children. No one wants to believe their extended family treats their adopted child differently, but it’s crucial to be aware of behaviors that may make your adopted child feel isolated from your biological children. If you notice any issues, address them both with your child and your extended family members. If your child acknowledges the problem, explain that not everyone responds to adoption in the same way. This may be hard for your child to hear—and even harder for you to say—but ignoring the issue won’t make it disappear. By acknowledging the problem, you show your child that you understand their feelings and are committed to facing the issue together. Talk to your extended family about these concerns, and stand up for your child’s rights.
It helps to gradually build up to the holidays. Start discussing holiday plans and traditions early to avoid unexpected problems. Make sure your holiday plans are clear so your child knows what to expect. Whenever possible, stick to your regular daily routines and avoid making last-minute changes. This is especially important if your child struggles with hyperactivity or anxiety. For children new to your family, practice the process of giving and receiving gifts. Expectations may have been different in their previous homes, and practicing will help avoid any awkward or stressful situations.

Finally, don’t chase the perfect holiday. Keep a sense of humor and be realistic. The holidays with an adopted child can be an enriching experience that strengthens your family bond, but it’s important to maintain a level head and let go of unrealistic expectations. Remind yourself every day that you and your child can find happiness, even as you navigate challenges along the way.

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Children are placed in foster care when their parents or guardians—for whatever reason—cannot take care of them. Sometimes this occurs because of the death of the parent (or parents). Other times, it happens when children are removed from their home as the result of abuse or neglect. Children may also be voluntarily committed to foster care by their parents when the family is experiencing unmanageable hardship.

In most cases, foster care is meant to be a temporary placement while children wait to return to their original guardians or biological parents. Parents who voluntarily committed their children to foster care often do so with the intention of taking their children back into their home as soon as the situation improves. When children have been removed from a home because of abuse or neglect, the parents are often given multiple chances to create a safe household for their children. Once parents can prove they are able to care for their children again, the children are returned.

Unfortunately, some parents are unable to create an appropriate living situation for their children. In this case, the court must order the termination of parental rights (TPR). One the parental rights have been terminated, a child may be legally placed for adoption.

Many children live in foster care for years before the TPR is ordered. During this time, it is not uncommon for a child to have multiple foster care placements. Often children are first placed in short-term foster care while a long-term foster care placement is arranged. Many foster care parents are not fully prepared for the challenges they face opening their home to a foster child, and many foster care children arrive shaken and traumatized. These circumstances make finding a successful foster care placement very difficult. By the time that a foster care child has been freed for adoption, he or she may have been in many homes over many years, with many families.

Adoption from foster care can occur in many different ways. Sometimes a placement in a foster family can last for many years, and when the TPR is ordered, foster parents make the decision to adopt their long-time foster children. Other times, children are adopted by outside families that have been determined to be an appropriate fit for that child. Sometimes children find a forever family in the very city—or even neighborhood—where they have been living with their foster family. Other times children may be adopted by families from out of the city, or even out of the state.

All foster care adoptions involve a lot of paperwork, bureaucracy and time. When a child is placed under foster care, that child is assigned to a case worker. The child’s case worker represents that child’s interests as the child moves through the foster care system. Case workers that represent children available for adoption exchange information with case workers who represent families looking for children to adopt, and this is often how connections are made and adoptions are initiated.

Families that seek a child to adopt a child from foster care must align themselves with an adoption agency in their city, and the agency will assign that family to a case worker. Parents are required to take classes that will prepare them for the challenges they will face as adoptive parents to foster care children. Years of loss, instability, uncertainty, frustration, fear and disappointment are scarring to children in foster care. The required classes teach parents how to advocate for their children, how to handle sensitive emotional issues and how to manage the day to day issues that children in foster care must overcome. These classes are arranged by the agency and are among the requirements for adoption.

Once parents have successfully completed the classes and have undergone extensive checks for eligibility, a homestudy must be written. A homestudy is a comprehensive document about a family that wishes to adopt a child. A homestudy can take as long as a month to write, can be as long as 50 pages or more, and will include nearly everything that can be put into words about that family and its home life. The homestudy is written by a qualified caseworker who conducts exhaustive interviews of every member of the household, checks references, and collects documents like paychecks and tax returns. When it is complete, the homestudy will include the history of each family member, personality and character descriptions, a full description of the home where the family lives, parental work history and educational background, and household income. The homestudy can seem invasive and questions can be difficult to answer at times, but the homestudy plays a crucial role in placing the right child with the right family. It is important for every member of the family to be open and honest during this process.

Once the homestudy has been completed, a copy of the homestudy is released to the family. The homestudy is to an adoptive family what a resume is to a job seeker. Prospective adoptive parents are allowed to send their homestudy to case workers that represent children available for adoption. Lists of children who are currently available for adoption may be found online—with pictures, limited descriptions of their backgrounds, and their caseworker’s contact information. While the prospective parents send their homestudy to different case workers locally and out of state, the prospective parents’ caseworker may also sending their homestudy to other case workers who represent children waiting to be adopted.

Many children who are available for adoption are considered to be “special needs”. Special needs children are children who are difficult to place either because they have an emotional or physical impairment, or (often) because they are of an older age than what most prospective parents are seeking. In many cases, children who are of school age, regardless of their physical or emotional health, are considered special needs. Many parents seeking children for adoption would like to adopt babies or toddlers. Unfortunately, many children in foster care waited for years for the termination of parental rights, and are over five years old. Families that are flexible in their expectations for adoption—who are open to adopting a special needs child—are more likely to have a fast and successful placement.

Once a potential match has been identified, it is arranged for the prospective parents and children to meet. If the match seems to be successful, visitations begin, and soon the child is placed in the care of the prospective parents. This process can take days, weeks or months. After the child is placed permanently in the prospective parents’ home, the final steps are taken for the legal adoption to occur.

Once a child is placed in the home of an adoptive family, the family goes through something that is often referred to as a “honeymoon period”. During this time, children and parents both present their best sides and life seems unrealistically perfect. The length and severity of the honeymoon period will depend on the specific circumstances of each placement. Parents may feel unprepared when the honeymoon ends and the child begins to show the anger and sadness that has naturally been building in the child for the last several years. These feelings can manifest themselves with unexpected behaviors, making the transition difficult. Although many placements proceed to adoption even through all the difficulties, adoptive placements have been known to fall apart at all stages of adoption. Only when the final proceedings have taken place, and the final adoption papers are signed, are the children secure in their placement with their forever family.

To handle the adoptive proceedings, a lawyer may be assigned to the family by the agency, or the family may seek their own counsel. In the US, foster care adoption is subsidized by the government, and this process is often free or nearly free. In many cases, families that adopt from foster care also collect a monthly subsidy check from the government once the adoption has been finalized, with severe special needs cases warranting larger subsidy amounts. Whether a subsidy is granted, and the amount of the subsidy, is determined state by state and case by case. This money is meant to ensure that the child will receive the services he or she needs to grow up happy and healthy.

The process of adopting a child from foster care, while ultimately a rewarding process, takes fortitude, strength of character and persistence. The foster care system is a large and often discouraging bureaucracy. There is no easy road to foster care adoption, and even the most successful placements require more work and determination than any parent can prepare for. Parents who seek to adopt a child from foster care are very special people indeed.

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Issues Related To Adoption

Parents of adopted an adopted child must decide how to handle the issue of the child’s birth family and life before the adoption. Depending on the adoption experience that the child had, issues related to adoption may be a constant occurrence. Children who are adopted from an early enough age will not have memory of the adoption or life before their new family. Many psychologists now recommend that a child should be told about their adoption from a young age, in order to prevent feelings of mistrust toward the adoptive parents and shame about the adoption. This is often hard for adoptive parents, who may have fears of being rejected by their adopted child, or who may simply find the subject uncomfortable.

To address this issue and to provide comfort to their child, many adoptive parents will write a “Life Book” for their child. A Life Book describes the journey of the adopted child from birth through the present. A Life Book will often contain photographs and artwork from the child, and will tell the life story of the child. Adopted children may feel disconnected from their history and Life Books can be used to bring their history out into the open and available for them to reflect upon. Parents of adopted an adopted child need to make themselves available–emotionally and physically–so that their child can discuss their feelings about adoption in a way that makes them feel safe and secure.

Many children who are adopted at an older age–particularly if the adoption is international or through foster care–require special help dealing with issues surrounding birth families, foster families, and loss. Many of these children benefit from therapy. In some cases, parents participate in therapy with their child or children. This allows parents and the child to bond in a safe environment and teaches parents and the child how to communicate their feelings in a way that is healthy. Many children who are adopted at an older age experience feelings of frustration, anger, fear and grief that can affect their behavior and familial relationships. Parents of these children must work together on a daily basis to sort through these problems.

Some adopted children are brought into a family through “open adoption”, meaning that the biological mother or parents of the child are still in contact with the adopting family and are known to the child. The extent of “openness” varies from family to family–in some cases, the biological parents are like extended family and the relationship is an important part of the child’s life. In other cases, contact is minimal.

Education

Sometimes adopted children with a difficult background–as might be the case in international adoptions or foster care adoptions–require extra help with school and learning. These children benefit from tutors, extra help at home and special programs at school. The parents of an adopted child who is struggling in school must work closely with teachers and school administrators to advocate for their needs.

In addition, older children who have been adopted internationally often need to learn a new language and culture. This transition can be very difficult, and progress in school may be slow at first.

Exploring Birth Culture

Many psychologists recommend that children with cultural origins that differ from their adoptive family’s culture should continue to be educated in the ways of their birth culture. A child’s birth culture is an important part of their identity and the child’s sense of self.

Adoptive families often help their adoptive children understand their birth cultures by speaking their original language in the house, celebrating holidays specific to that culture and by adopting a few cultural practices around the house.

Combining Adoptive Children and Biological Children

In families where a child or children have been adopted and where other children have been born into the family biologically, parents must take care to nurture a healthy relationship between the siblings. Just like other sibling pairs, some rivalry is natural. Biological children may feel unfavored because they are not adopted, and adopted children may feel unfavored because they are not biologically related. Parents must acknowledge the differences in the ways that each of their children came into the family and reiterate that each way is valid. Parents of biological and adoptive children must learn to show that what is important is the love each member of the family feels for the other. By fostering healthy relationships between the siblings, the parents minimize problems.

In many cases, siblings in families that have a mixture of adopted and biological children are just as close and functional as siblings in families of non-mixed families. Children can be easily taught to accept their siblings regardless of the circumstances of the sibling’s entry into the family.

The Experience of Raising an Adopted Child

Some adopted children do need to be cared for with extra sensitivity and may require more help than some other children, but many adopted children are less affected by their adoption and live their lives in much the same way as children raised by their biological parents. Either way, the bond between parents and an adopted child can be as strong as the bond between parents and a biological child, and the experience of raising an adopted child has all the rewards of raising biological children. Parents who are thinking of adopting a child should research the different types of adoption (international, surrogate, foster care, private, etc) to decide which type of adoption is right for them.

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Do Your Homework

Before you commit to the adoption process, it’s essential to study adoption-related issues and explore the various types of adoption. Doing so will help you determine whether adoption is the right choice for you. While the rewards of adoption are immeasurable, it is also a time-consuming and expensive process, and it may not be suitable for everyone. Educate yourself about the adoption journey by using the wealth of resources available online—from government websites and adoption agency pages to the personal blogs of adoptive parents.

Website Resource Guide:

Check out books from your local library to learn more about the challenges adopted children may face as they grow into young adults. Many adopted children come from difficult circumstances that could affect them later in life as they grow and develop. As a parent, you’ll need to be sensitive to your child’s unique needs.

Share the News with Family

Talk to your extended family members (such as parents, siblings, etc.) about your decision to adopt. Consider how you plan to inform each family member before sharing the news. Announce your decision in a way that highlights their importance as potential grandparents, aunts, or uncles.

Educate your family about the adoption process and what they can expect in the coming months. Take the time to share your joys and anxieties, making them feel connected to your experience. Your adopted child will need the support of extended family to feel secure, so it’s important to encourage your family members to play an active role in the process.

Preparing for the Transition

You will likely need to make changes to your lifestyle and environment to prepare for your new child. Adopting a child can differ from giving birth to an infant, as many adopted children are older and may have different needs. If your child is of school age, you’ll need to determine which school is in your district, what you need for enrollment, and if the school offers any special programs to benefit your child. You may also have to consider logistical questions like: how will your child get to school, and what will happen if you’re unable to pick them up after school?

If you’re adopting a younger child, you’ll need to arrange care during the day. This could mean finding someone to stay home with them, or researching daycare options where your child will feel comfortable and well cared for.

These are just a few of the many considerations when preparing to care for your child. Your child will need health insurance, a pediatrician, a dentist, toys, and clothes. If your child is old enough to eat solid foods, you may need to adjust your diet to accommodate their tastes. Preparing meals for children can differ from preparing food for adults, so you may need to adjust your approach for a while. Initially, serving familiar foods your child enjoys can help make the transition smoother.

Make Your Child’s Room

Every child needs their own space. While it’s common for expecting parents to prepare a nursery for a newborn, your job as an adoptive parent is the same. This may be especially important if you plan to adopt a child older than one or two years old. Your child will have memories of their previous homes and may become homesick or traumatized by the transition. You must create a room that feels inviting, welcoming, and most importantly, safe. Soothing colors, soft stuffed animals, and cozy blankets are ideal for making the space feel secure. If your child is older, try to personalize the room to reflect their preferences, if you know them.

Adding small touches, like a sign with your child’s name on it, can also help them feel more at home. As you get to know your child’s tastes in toys, books, and games, try to collect these items gradually to make the space even more personal and welcoming.

Take Time for Yourself

Finally, remember to take time for yourself during this exciting but stressful period. Adoption is a joyful, yet emotionally challenging event. It’s normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions as you prepare for your child’s arrival. Consider joining adoptive parent support groups, and make time to engage in activities that help you relax, such as meditation, listening to music, drinking tea, or reading a book.

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It would be nice to think that with so many homeless children in the world, adoption would be easier. Sadly, many of the laws put in place to protect these children keep them waiting far too long.

Should You Adopt?

The decision to adopt is very personal. You must be able to recognize your reasons for wanting to adopt. Many couples who are desperate to have a child of their own, but can’t, may immediately want to adopt a child to fill that void. Psychologists warn that adopting solely for this reason may not be a good idea right away. Placing expectations, ideals, and the hope of curing your disappointment on another child is merely a quick fix for your emotions. You should take the time to heal from the pain of not being able to have a child of your own before considering adoption. One reason is that the adoption process often takes time, leads to further disappointment, and requires a highly balanced mindset.

If you have the desire to have children, can reasonably take care of them, and have the capacity to love them, then you should consider adoption. In fact, if every family capable of adopting a child stepped forward, the world could be forever changed, with millions of children experiencing the love of a family.

When you decide to adopt, ensure that you are ready to handle the challenges and hurdles ahead. Going through the adoption process during a divorce, mid-life crisis, devastation over infertility, or financial instability is not ideal. Instead, work through your issues to ensure that you’re not bringing a child into a dysfunctional situation. This isn’t to say you have to be perfect to adopt—no family is—but you should be in a position to think clearly and act responsibly.

Once you’re ready, you need to rise above your emotions and understand the legal ramifications in your state. Look at the costs, available options, and conduct thorough research. Set realistic expectations and understand the “business end” of adding to your family through adoption. A helpful resource is the Adoptive Families of America, where you can purchase a $5 brochure that provides a comprehensive guide to adoption. This will help you understand the differences between private and international adoptions, as well as the many other avenues available to you. Sadly, this also helps you avoid being trapped by fraudulent adoption agencies that are only out for your money. Every year, thousands of people lose $10,000 to $20,000 to scams and fraudulent agencies. Not everyone who appears to be helping you actually is, so it’s important to be cautious.

After doing your research, continue learning. One of the best allies you can have is to connect with other families who have been through the adoption process. Check out forums, online groups, support groups, and local community groups for adoptive parents. Their experience and insights can help you navigate both the best and worst of times, preparing you for what lies ahead. These groups can help you avoid red tape, scams, and assist you in developing the right mindset for the adoption process. Many parents enter adoption thinking the high demand will make it easy, only to find that the process and legal complexities are challenging. But, in the end, the results are well worth the effort!

Adoption also requires unwavering faith. This doesn’t mean only religious parents will be successful; it means you need to remain faithful in the process. Understand and believe that the right child for you is slowly making their way into your life. Like all things in life, it may not be a newborn infant or the exact child you envisioned with golden hair and blue eyes, but it will be a complete and wonderful surprise—better than anything you could have expected. Keep your faith in the miracle of a child entering your life, and remain open to the power of positive thinking. These are valuable tools to survive the adoption process.

How Much Does Adoption Cost?

Another key question in the adoption process is, how much will it cost? The answer is not straightforward, as the fees vary greatly depending on the agency, state, and country. International adoptions, depending on the country, can cost between $5,000 and $50,000 and come with additional complexities. Some adoptions can cost nothing at all. On average, private adoption in the United States costs around $20,000. Most private adoption agencies have set fees, which should be disclosed upfront, and they may have waiting lists that take years to work through, with mounds of paperwork to complete. The back-and-forth of this process can add unforeseen costs, such as travel expenses.

Adopting through a private attorney—a relatively new option in the adoption world—can cost around $25,000 before everything is said and done. Many adoption fees cover the birth mother’s costs, including labor and delivery. Some states have laws against certain fees, so it’s important to check state regulations before paying any fees upfront. Overseas adoptions come with an entirely different set of fees and legal complications, which, while easier in some cases, tend to be more expensive.

Another consideration is time off work for hearings, screenings, and travel. These costs may not be disclosed but should be anticipated. Adoptive parents should be prepared to secure savings, loans, or use other sources of income to remain financially stable and ready to act should an opportunity arise.

Foster Care and Adoption

Each year in the United States, about 100,000 children are placed in foster care, with approximately 500,000 already in the system. Sadly, these numbers are not inflated. Many of these children are in limbo, waiting for the system to declare them wards of the state and eligible for adoption. Others, already designated as wards of the state, are eligible for adoption but are moved from home to home, looking for a place to settle. Consider that most children over the age of 10 spend the rest of their childhood in foster care, often without finding a permanent home before they turn 18. This means there are thousands of children in desperate need of adoptive parents, particularly older children.

Becoming a foster parent is not easy, but the steps are well-regulated and straightforward. Because the need is so high, you may find that you can have a child placed in your home within a month of being approved as a foster parent. This is a good way to familiarize yourself with children and make a real difference in a child’s life. Even if you continue with the adoption process, being a foster parent offers valuable lessons about life and love.

Many foster parents (statistics show as many as two-thirds) eventually adopt the children in their care. Being a foster parent can also improve your chances with private and state adoption agencies. However, it’s important to remember that these relationships are often temporary. Learning to cope with the heartbreak of losing a foster child to another home or to a birth parent can be a difficult emotional challenge. Foster children often come with backgrounds that may be difficult to understand or deal with, but that is part of being a parent.

If you’re considering adoption, think about this: millions of children are waiting, often neglected and alone. It’s heartbreaking to know that thousands of children go to bed each night without a home, a meal, or a parent to tuck them in. Many of these children need adoptive families just like yours. While it may take a miracle to unite you with your adoptive child, rest assured, they are out there.

Adoption is one of the best things you can do with your love. The reasons for wanting to adopt don’t always matter as much as the fact that you want to. If you approach adoption with knowledge and insight, and are ready for the emotional challenges, you should jump in with both feet. Stay true to your desire to have a child, and never give up—no matter how tough things get. You will find that you’re not alone, and that an army of support is waiting to help you—and to help you welcome the child who is meant to be yours.

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Different Types of Foster Care

There are different types of foster care for different situations. Children just placed in foster care will often be sent to a temporary foster home as social workers seek to find a more appropriate long-term living situation. Children may only be in temporary foster homes for a matter of weeks or days. Foster parents in these temporary homes must be equipped to provide for a child’s basic needs, but not on a long-term basis. Temporary foster care parents must have the flexibility to accept children into their homes on a moment’s notice and should have the ability to comfort a child that is scared and upset.

Long-term foster care parents must have the ability to care for the same child for months or even years. Children who are placed in long-term foster care often maintain a relationship with biological relatives, so foster parents must be able to bring foster children to visitations.

The type of foster care you decide to provide will depend entirely on you. If you wish to open your home to a child in need but feel that you cannot make a long-term commitment to a child, perhaps short-term foster care is best for you. Maybe you’re hoping to develop a lasting relationship with a child, or even adopt a child from foster care. In this case, long-term foster care is more appropriate.

Application Process

Different states have different requirements for foster parents. After making the decision to become a foster parent, the first step is to contact a local foster care agency. The agency will lead you through the process and eventually place you with a foster child, once you’ve completed all the requirements. Before your placement, the foster care agency will ask you to fill out an application and you will be asked to attend a class where you will be trained to meet the needs of a foster care child. In these classes, you will learn about caring for a child who is experiencing grief and loss. Children in foster care may act out to show their anger, frustration or sadness. They may also be behind in school, because of the upheavals they have experienced in their personal life. Children in foster care may have previously experienced years of abuse or neglect, and that can lead to a variety of emotional, physical and psychological problems. All of these complications will need to be addressed by you as the foster parent. The training you attend is meant to prepare you for these challenges.

In addition to attending classes, you will need to disclose extensive information about your personal history, and the history of all the people in your household. The foster care agency will write a long report, called a homestudy, that provides in-depth information about your financial situation, your cultural and ethnic background, your personality and the type of home you live in. All members of your household will be discussed in the homestudy. The homestudy document is meant to determine if your home is an appropriate environment for a foster child, and if so, what type of child will be best placed with you. Once the homestudy is complete, the foster care agency will evaluate your application. If you are approved to become a foster parent, the foster care agency will contact you as soon as there is a placement ready.

Providing A Safe Home

As you prepare to become a foster parent, you must remember you will need to provide your foster child with all the same services as any other child living under your roof. Your foster child will need, at the very least, a place to sleep, food to eat, adequate clothing and a school to attend. You will need to prepare a bedroom with personal space for your child’s belongings. Your home must be made ready to accept a foster child on short notice, so there will need to be room in your life and your schedule for the needs of an additional person.

You’ll be expected to provide for your foster child’s special needs as well. You may be asked to take your foster child to a therapist provided by the agency. Your foster child may have a special medical condition that requires you to make frequent trips to a physician. You may find that your foster child has never experienced healthy or productive forms of discipline, and you may need to override years of bad behavior management.

There will also be a crucial emotional component to your foster child’s needs. Foster care children must be made to feel safe, secure and loved. As you prepare to become a foster parent, you must ask yourself what you will do to make your foster child feel welcome and wanted in your house.

Adoption

Many people make the decision to become a foster parent because they hope to eventually adopt a child, but foster care can be a risky path to adoption. Often when a child is removed from the home of a biological parent, either due to abuse or neglect, the biological parent will be given a set amount of time to rehabilitate behaviors or improve the circumstances that caused the child to be removed. This process can take years. If the biological parents are unable to meet the state requirements for the child, the parent’s rights are terminated, and then the child will be freed for adoption. During this time, a tight bond may develop between the foster parent and the child. Foster parents hoping to adopt must understand and accept that their foster child or children may eventually be returned to their biological parents. Only individuals who feel they can handle this kind of uncertainty should enter into a foster care situation with the hope that they may someday adopt.

Becoming a foster parent can take a long time–usually about a year from the time you contact a foster care agency to the time that a child is placed in your home. You will need patience and persistence to see you through the process. Ultimately, this patience and persistence will be an asset to you as a foster parent.

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When it comes to international adoption, there are many countries that routinely allow U.S. (or Canadian) adoptions with relative ease. However, these countries may occasionally suspend international adoptions. Currently, some of the most common countries open to international adoptions are China, Guatemala, Russia, and Korea. The ratification of the Hague Treaty on Inter-Country Adoption works to ensure that adoptions from foreign countries are ethical for all parties involved. As changes to this treaty occur, more countries will be added to the list of popular adoption destinations, while others may be removed for failing to comply with regulations. The countries mentioned are not the only ones that participate in international adoption, but they are among the most common sources for adopting children from abroad.

Understanding the Requirements for International Adoption

It’s important to know that both the U.S. and foreign countries set restrictions and guidelines on who is eligible to adopt. The countries involved in international adoptions often require parents to meet criteria such as age, income, number of existing children, marital status, and gender for single parents. These requirements can sometimes be quite unusual. For instance, in Korea, parents wishing to adopt from overseas cannot weigh more than 30% above their normal weight for height. Additionally, some countries, such as Armenia, Thailand, and Sri Lanka, do not allow single parents to adopt. In some cases, foreign countries may require adoptive parents to maintain residency in their country for a certain period before being allowed to leave with the child. A few countries even mandate a residency of over two years, which may be unrealistic for many U.S. citizens looking to adopt abroad.

However, there’s good news for older couples. Many foreign countries do not impose an upper age limit on adoption eligibility. Religion can also play a role in some cases, as certain countries may not allow adoptions by parents who do not adhere to a particular belief in God.

If you are certain that you want to pursue adopting children from foreign countries, you should proceed with caution. For U.S. residents, there are around fifty countries available for international adoption. However, countries like Australia, Canada, and those in Western Europe do not allow Americans to adopt children. One of the main reasons people seek international adoption is because many foreign countries have a large number of newborns or young children available for adoption. Statistics indicate that more than 50% of children available for adoption abroad are under one year of age, and 97% are under four years old.

Another advantage of adopting from foreign countries is the minimal interference from birth parents. In many of these countries, such as China, where thousands of newborn girls are abandoned every month, birth parents are virtually non-existent. By the time a child is matched with an adopter from a country like the U.S., the birth parents have been legally removed from the process and no longer retain rights to the child. This means you’re less likely to face the heartache of a change of heart from the birth parents or be tracked down after the adoption.

Perhaps the best part of international adoption is that once you are approved, you are virtually guaranteed a child. The adoption process typically takes around 12 to 18 months from start to finish. During this time, you will need to make several visits to the country where you’re adopting. However, the adoption will be legalized before you return home, meaning there will be little to no red tape when you arrive in the U.S.

On the flip side, the travel requirements for adopting from a foreign country can be expensive and time-consuming. Some countries require families to travel more than once for interviews and to complete paperwork. And speaking of paperwork, you can expect to fill out over 100 forms, depending on where you adopt from. Home studies are also conducted as part of the process. One of the other challenges of international adoption is that adoptive parents often know very little about the health history of the child they are adopting. Since the birth parents are typically out of the picture, even the adoption agencies may not have detailed medical information. Moreover, many of these children, born in poverty, may suffer from health problems or developmental delays due to a lack of prenatal care. Fortunately, there are pediatric specialists who can assist in assessing the child’s health and recommend any necessary tests to check for potential health risks.

Adopting children from foreign countries can be an incredibly rewarding experience. By adopting, you are literally giving a child a chance at a better life, away from a poor environment. Of course, the costs and stress involved can take their toll. Before beginning your journey, it’s best to contact organizations like the Alliance for Children, which can provide contacts and agencies to guide you through the international adoption process. These agencies ensure that children are not exploited during the adoption process and that the child you are adopting has been acquired legally. You can get in touch with them at www.allforchildren.org.

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