The challenge with wedding planning is that you can’t always estimate how much each aspect of your wedding will cost in advance. It’s not until you’re deep into organizing that the true costs of each part become clear. So, before you do anything else, set your budget.

Set the Budget

Before you begin planning your wedding, you should know exactly how much money you’re working with. Take note of what you’ve saved up, and talk to the other parties involved, such as your parents or your partner’s parents, to see how much they will contribute. This is the time to ask for specific amounts.

Sometimes, families choose to finance a particular aspect of the wedding—like the catering or the venue. In such cases, make sure you know exactly which parts they want to finance and what their budget is for those areas.

Katie from Orla James agrees: “It’s easy to get carried away when planning your wedding. You budget a certain amount in one area, see something you love that costs twice as much, and slip up. Then, other areas end up suffering. You have to be vigilant!”

Make a Priority List

Once you have a budget, start listing all the things you want for your wedding. Think about what’s most important to you—whether it’s catering, the wedding dress, or the venue—and prioritize these items. Assign a percentage of your budget to each one.

This is perhaps the most important part of budgeting, so take your time. Keep your budget flexible enough to spend more on top priorities without overshooting your overall limit. However, be strict enough to maintain control. You can adjust spending by shifting funds from lower-priority items to higher ones.

Remember, your budget is there to help you control spending without detracting from your dream wedding. Striking the right balance is key to success.

Picking the Right Location and Theme

Some locations and themes are inherently more expensive than others. For example, a grand wedding in a popular ballroom in London with a five-course menu won’t come cheap. On the other hand, a simple ceremony in the countryside will likely be much more affordable. You could save money on the venue and theme, then use those savings to splurge on your wedding dress or entertainment. It’s all about setting your priorities and knowing where to allocate your funds.

Guest List Size

Your guest list size will directly influence many of your costs. Food, drinks, seating, décor, and even the venue are all affected by the number of guests you invite. The guest list is your most adjustable cost factor, and reducing it can help you stay on budget. If your menu is driving up costs, for instance, a smaller guest list can help balance the budget. These small savings across various categories can add up significantly.

Date and Time

When planning your wedding, don’t forget to consider the date and time. Believe it or not, there is a wedding season, and during peak times, everything tends to be more expensive. Additionally, an evening wedding is usually pricier than an afternoon one, as it requires more lighting, food, and drinks. Choosing the right time and date can help you meet your budget goals.

Staying on Budget

It’s important to remember that every dollar counts. You might think that spending an extra dollar per person on catering won’t make a big difference, but it can add up quickly.

Re-evaluating your budget periodically is a good idea. You might discover that stationery costs more than you expected. If that happens, you could eliminate the cost by switching to digital invitations or adjust the budget to accommodate the increase by cutting back on entertainment. These are the types of decisions you’ll be making regularly. Don’t feel rushed—take your time and make thoughtful choices.

Article by: Sarah from Orla James, who has been dreaming of all things wedding since the big question was popped six months ago. Now, as she plans her own wedding, she writes content for wedding blogs. Lucky enough to live in sunny Worthing, if you want to find her, she’ll be at the beach.

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Planning Your Wedding

9-12 Months

• Select Wedding Date: An engagement isn’t complete without a time frame for your wedding.
• Hire Wedding Consultant: Find a professional who knows what they’re doing to guide you through the planning.
• Determine Setting: Figure out the location, theme, number of guests, and the time of day for your wedding. This will help you plan more specific details later on.
• Set Your Budget: Decide how much money you want to spend on your wedding, so you stay on track with your individual expenses.
• Buy a Daytimer: Use a daytimer to keep track of your planning appointments, events, and payments.
• Select Your Locations: Book your wedding and reception venues.
• Choose Your Colors: Your color scheme will guide you in selecting decorations, flowers, bridesmaid dresses, and groomsmen tuxes.
• Purchase Your Bridal Gown: Look around and find the right dress for your wedding.
• Obtain Identification: Make sure your passports and other documentation are ready for travel arrangements—and don’t forget your marriage license.

6-9 Months

• Choose Caterer: If you’re having a catered reception, find a caterer that suits your needs.
• Choose Photographer: Find a wedding photographer who will capture your special day in the best light.
• Select Wedding Party: Choose your closest friends or family members to be part of your wedding party.
• Hand Out Responsibilities: Your wedding party can help with planning tasks.
• Select Bridesmaid Dresses: Make sure the bridesmaid dresses match your theme and color scheme.
• Select Other Attire: Find the right attire for the flower girl, mothers of the bride and groom, and others involved.
• Choose Musicians: Select musicians for the ceremony and reception.
• Select Videographer: If you want to capture your wedding on video, look for a specialized videographer.
• Find a Florist: Flowers are an important part of your decorations. Find a florist that fits within your budget.
• Register Wedding Gifts: Register at a few stores early to give guests plenty of time to find the perfect gifts for you.

4-6 Months

• Fit The Dresses: Schedule fitting appointments for all bridesmaids to ensure the dresses fit perfectly.
• Arrange Prep Courses: If you want marriage prep courses, schedule them early.
• Reserve Rentals: If you’re renting anything for the ceremony or reception (like audiovisual equipment), reserve it in advance.
• Choose a Decorator: If you’d like a professional decorator, book one early.
• Finalize Guest List: Choose your A-list and B-list guests.
• Choose Invitations: Select and order invitations that match your style and theme.
• Organize Rehearsal Dinner: Set the date, time, and location for the rehearsal dinner.
• Find Accommodations: Arrange a place for you and your partner to stay on the wedding night, as well as accommodations for out-of-town guests.
• Start Planning the Honeymoon: Research honeymoon destinations and choose a budget you’re comfortable with.
• Shop For Wedding Gifts: Buy gifts for your wedding party, parents, and each other.
• Purchase Shoes and Accessories: Find shoes and accessories for the bride, bridesmaids, and groom.
• Order Wedding Bands: Make sure you have the perfect rings to seal the deal.

2-4 Months

• Take Engagement Pictures: A formal engagement picture makes a great keepsake and can be sent to family and friends to build excitement.
• Purchase Wedding Cake: Choose a cake that’s big enough for your guest list but fits your budget.
• Select Decorations: Finalize decoration choices and purchase them so you’re ready to go.
• Honeymoon Preparation: Get luggage, suitable clothing, and other items needed for your honeymoon.
• Find Transportation: Arrange transportation for the ceremony, photo location, and the trip to your accommodations afterward.
• Send Wedding Invitations: Get addresses and stamps ready for mailing.
• Trials: Book hair and makeup appointments, and do trial runs for both.
• Obtain Marriage License: Ensure your marriage license doesn’t expire before the wedding (usually 3 months).
• Select Helpers: Choose ushers, a guest book attendant, MC, and other helpers for the big day.
• Photography Permit: If you’re marrying in a location that requires a permit for photography, make sure to get it in advance.

6-8 Weeks

• Purchase Accessories: Buy the guest book, toasting glasses, ring pillow, garter, and any other accessories you’ll need for the wedding and reception.
• Reserve Tuxedos: Ensure everything is ready for the groomsmen.
• Rehearsal Invitations: Send out invitations for the rehearsal dinner.

2-6 Weeks

• Finalize Catering: Confirm that all food and drink arrangements are ready for the wedding and reception.
• Finalize Decorations: Make sure flowers and other decorations are taken care of.
• Finalize Details: Set a wedding-day plan and itinerary, and make sure each member of the wedding party has a copy.
• Finalize Contacts: If you haven’t received RSVPs from all your guests, check in with them to confirm attendance.
• Finalize Vendor Details: Confirm that vendors are ready and set for the wedding day.
• Final Organizations: Decide on the order of the head table, photo checklist, reception floor plan, seating plans, song selections with musicians, and VIP seating.
• Pick Up the Rings: Make sure you have the rings on hand for the ceremony.
• Honeymoon Tickets: Double-check your honeymoon plans and pick up tickets if needed.

Final Plans

• Arrange Mail Collection: Ensure that someone will pick up your mail while you’re on your honeymoon.
• Get Organized: Pack everything you need for both the wedding and honeymoon.
• Rehearse: Make sure the wedding party has everything they need for the big day.
• Enjoy: You are now ready for your wedding day—have a blast!

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Funny how a diamond can change a woman’s feelings overnight – it’s almost like the gods designed it that way. For some lovers, a diamond is even stronger than a love potion.

Because you weren’t sure your lady love would say yes, you held off buying a diamond ring. But in the past two weeks, she’s been dropping hints – like talking about settling down because she’s tired of the dating scene and wants to hear the pitter-patter of small feet before her biological clock runs out.

You’re lying there, staring at the ceiling, and your gut is telling you, “Ask her now before she shops somewhere else.” You scratch your head, unsure about diamonds; even worse, you can’t tell the difference between a natural and a synthetic one.

Beads of sweat form on your forehead as you worry that a small, insignificant rock is going to cost you a year’s worth of salary. Suddenly, you think about calling your lawyer because you want to know if it’s legal to ask for the ring back if she breaks off the engagement.

Relax. There’s no hanky-panky in buying a diamond. First, talk to your friends who have bought one and decide on the budget you’re willing to allocate for this glitzy little thing that will eternally speak volumes about your commitment and undying devotion.

What was that popular saying again? “A diamond is forever.”

Buying a Diamond: Tuck These Tips In!

Gather Opinions

As suggested, talk to your friends and relatives who’ve bought diamonds for their beloveds. Not only will they give you a list of reputable jewelers, but they might also offer pointers to help you avoid the usual pitfalls of a newbie.

Fix Your Budget

Diamonds can cost thousands, even millions of dollars, but they’re certainly not just for the fabulously wealthy. You don’t need to be filthy rich or notoriously famous to afford a diamond. Visit two or three jewelry stores downtown and speak with the salespeople, and you’ll be shown a wide selection of diamonds with their price tags. Be cautious—some salespeople will try to get you to “up the ante” when they sense you’re ready to make a purchase. They’ll appeal to your emotions and remind you that your girl is worth much more than you’re willing to spend. They’ll dazzle you with talk about how the stones give off a prism of light, how they’ll never scratch, and so on.

And you know what? They’re probably right.

Know Thy 4 Cs – Make That 5!

The 4 Cs refer to color, clarity, cut, and carat weight. One diamond expert suggests adding a 5th C – credentials. Let’s dive into the first four:

Color: When grading diamonds, color is very important. The most desired diamonds are those that lack any color. A gemologist tests a diamond’s color by laying it on a black background and exposing it to ultraviolet light. This test reveals the fluorescence of the stone. Most diamonds emit a blue hue, but some may show tints of brown or yellow. Years ago, the letter “A” was used to rate a diamond’s color, but it caused confusion, so the Gemological Institute of America (GIA) introduced a grading system starting with the letter “D” for colorless diamonds and going to “Z” to indicate the full range of diamond colors. This system is still in use throughout the industry.

Clarity: A jeweler uses a 10X magnifying glass to inspect the diamond’s clarity, which can’t be assessed by the naked eye. The GIA’s grading system for clarity is widely used. Many people think clarity isn’t crucial if the flaw is invisible to the naked eye. While they have a point, if you’re buying diamonds for investment or simply collecting them, clarity is an essential factor in evaluating a diamond. It reflects the quality of the stone and justifies your investment.

Cut: Don’t confuse cut with shape. The “cut” refers to how the diamond is shaped and faceted from rough stone into a beautiful piece of jewelry, while “shape” is the actual form of the diamond—whether round, rectangular, or oval.

There are three basic diamond cuts:

Brilliant Cut: This cut has a minimum of 58 facets. If a diamond has flaws, the brilliant cut can camouflage them. While brilliant is the most popular cut, there are variations, like the step-cut (the emerald cut). When the step-cut is combined with the brilliant cut, it forms the radiant cut. If combined with a square-shaped stone, it’s called the princess cut.

Innovations in cutting have emerged, with some diamonds now boasting as many as 144 facets, compared to the traditional 57 to 58. The number of facets affects the sparkle, but the prices are steeper.

Daniel J. Dennis, Jr., author of Gems: A Lively Guide for the Casual Collector (1999), recommends that when buying a diamond, ensure the cut matches the shape. He advises: “Look into the stone face-up and check for dead spots visible to the naked eye. Make sure there’s adequate depth by examining the stone from the side as well as the bottom. Don’t be afraid to borrow a jeweler’s loupe for your inspection if you don’t already have one. Any reputable dealer will be happy to oblige.”

Carat Weight: This is, surprisingly, the least important of the 4 Cs. Bigger isn’t always better—unless we’re talking about double whoppers. Remember: a smaller, higher-quality diamond is more valuable than a larger, inferior one. Pay attention to the first three Cs, then consider carat weight if you must.

Dennis also explains the difference between carat and points: One carat equals 100 points. So half a carat equals 50 points. If color, clarity, and cut are equal, the larger diamond will hold more value.

Dennis offers a helpful piece of advice if you’re choosing a diamond band ring. Suppose you’re deciding between three options, all selling for $500. Each has similar quality:

Choice 1: Ten stones
Choice 2: Twenty-five stones
Choice 3: Fifty stones
If you go with Choice 1, you’ve made the best decision!

The Fifth C: Credentials

In this context, credentials refer to the certificates that come with your diamond purchase, especially if it’s an expensive one. These certificates act as legal, binding documents confirming your investment. Before writing the check or swiping your credit card, ask the jeweler about any certifications that come with the diamond. The jeweler might present a certificate from the American Gemological Society, Diamond High Council, or the Gemological Institute of America (GIA). The Diamond High Council is based in Belgium, and other European certifying bodies may also be involved.

The post Buying a Diamond – Picking the Perfect Engagement Ring appeared first on .

Somewhere buried deep in the alluvial deposits of the country, diamonds were discovered. At first, they were used as amulets to appease the gods, and hence associated with the concept of divinity; years later, people discovered its usefulness for industrial applications and of course, for making jewelry.

What comes to mind when you hear the word “diamond”? You’ll probably come up with that cliché about diamonds being a girl’s best friend (which is still true, by the way) or you’ll say, “Elizabeth Taylor of course!” Richard Burton sure knew how to win a woman’s heart.

Diamonds weave a fascinating story. If you roll up your sleeves, put on a comfortable pair of old sneakers and sit for hours in the library reading about diamonds, you could get hooked and forget about lunch for a change. There’s a lot more to what the average person knows about this gemstone. Apart from the rich and famous romances tied to diamonds and given much media coverage, diamonds actually have a more mystifying allure when they come out of the earth’s crust, make it to the cutter’s workshop, and then make a long international passage to global markets.

When a beautiful woman walks into a room, elegant in her fur coat and Prada shoes, she’ll catch everyone’s gaze. But when she slowly and gracefully turns her head and tiny glittering lights bounce around as she moves, you’ll know that what she’s got, some people would die for. Her face and figure may be her greatest assets, but her diamonds will continue to bring out the beauty in her when she’s well into her 70s.

There’s just this thing about diamonds, you see. Not only are they very hard – truth is they’re the hardest minerals on earth. They’re also known for fire that jewelers talk excitedly about. This fire is not the kind you automatically see when you light a match or throw in some wood to your fireplace. It’s a fire that produces magnificent colors because of its white light dispersion characteristics. Diamonds are also a delight to mathematicians, given its crystal structure. Think of a diamond having a unit cell of two atoms with lattices and offsets of ¼, ¼, and ¼.

Say that again? Now, you’re intrigued. So are we.

Properties

We said earlier that diamonds are the hardest minerals. That means they have physical properties that make them the perfect abrasives and can only be scratched by other diamonds and a few other minerals.

Apart from their hardness (they score a perfect 10 on the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, according to Wikipedia), diamonds also have a high dispersion index. Remember that we mentioned the fire of colors earlier. This white light dispersion is part of its optical properties where it splits up into a burst of colors, making this gem a coveted commodity in the jewelry business. A better illustration would be to think of a prism. This is why gemologists have fondly chosen the term “fire” especially when a diamond exhibits an excellent cut. The magic’s in the slice…

While diamonds appear to project fluorescent colors, the predominant hue is blue when examined under long wave ultraviolet radiation. One point to remember is that the majority of diamonds do not show fluorescence, but colored diamonds do. One can equate fluorescence to luminescence which is an optical phenomenon.

Diamonds are also excellent conductors of heat, which is why you will hear experts speak of its thermal properties. This is due to the covalent bonding that occurs inside the crystal where boron atoms replace carbon atoms in the crystal matrix. If you’re familiar with semiconductors, the use of diamonds in the semiconductor manufacturing process prevents them from overheating.

The Diamond Industry

About 50% of diamonds come from South Africa. They are also found in India, Russia, Brazil and Canada. They are mined from kimberlite and lamproite volcanic pipes. Kimberlites are a type of rock that are known to contain diamonds. They are formed in the earth’s crust and appear as vertical structures. They constitute the most important source of mined diamonds these days. Lamproite, on the other hand, is a kind of volcanic rock and are found almost everywhere.

In the diamond industry, the focus tends to be on carat. A carat is simply a measure of weight for the mass of a diamond. One carat is equivalent to 1/5 of a gram, or 200 milligrams.

The larger the diamond, the greater is its carat weight. Don’t be misled though: the price per carat does not increase with diamond size. Just for guidelines, the Rapoport Diamond Report is a popular industry index of the prices of diamonds and is used by wholesalers and retailers in the industry. As an example, a diamond with half a carat would cost around $1,500.00, a two-carat diamond $26,000.00 and a five-carat diamond $115,000.00.

Note that total carat weight is the indicator of the total diamond mass or other gems in jewelry when more than one gemstone is used. Your pair of diamond solitaire earrings would be quoted in terms of total carat weight by your retailer which would indicate the mass of both earrings and not one. Total carat weight also applies in necklaces and other jewelry accessories like diamond bracelets.

There are three highly respected organizations that certify diamonds as to their 4 Cs – clarity, cut, color and carat:

• Gemological Institute of America – issues modern diamond reports, has earned a fine reputation for its consistent grading of diamonds,
• Diamond High Council – based in Belgium. Their certification is ISO certified and is sought after in all of Europe,
• American Gemological Society – this organization is not as well known as the first two but it enjoys a solid reputation.

An interesting fact is that in 2003, the Kimberley Process Certification Scheme was finally put in place after three arduous years of negotiations between major diamond-producing countries and representatives of the industry who met to resolve the problem of conflict diamonds. Vicky Paterson who wrote the book, Diamonds (Firefly Books, 2005) said that this certification scheme is endorsed by the United Nations. To-date about 70 participants have joined the program. These participants make up the bulk of the diamond market.

Can ordinary mortals afford to buy diamonds? Of course! Your budget, however, will dictate the quality of your diamond. Your typical reputable retailer could sell you a gold necklace with a tiny diamond for as low as US$60.00. You’ll be surprised, however, that owing to many factors, a tiny diamond weighing less than a carat with average color and cut could actually fetch a steep price of tens of thousands of dollars.

This process of costing a diamond from US$60.00 to millions and millions of dollars is enough to dazzle you and stimulate your interest in the diamond industry. Stories about diamonds have been immortalized. As Paterson puts it, these stones have a long history and a long future. “And our desire for them”, she says, “will last a lifetime.”

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Isn’t love sufficient proof that we intend to get married and stay married indefinitely? That’s one of the issues with contemporary society: you need a license for almost everything. It starts at a young age—you need a driver’s license to drive, and an international one if you plan on driving abroad for an extended period.

Even recreational activities require a license, which often detracts from the fun. You need a fishing license to catch trout or salmon, or a taxi driver’s license if you’re driving people around town. Want to start a business? You’ll need a franchise or export-import license. Sometimes, you need both.

If you want to practice your profession, you need yet another license. For example, a medical license if you’re caring for the sick, a dental practice license if you’re working with teeth, or a legal license if you’re practicing law.

Then, you fall in love and want to commit to someone special. That requires a license too. And if you change your mind about that person, you’ll probably need a license to sever ties.

That’s the beauty of an over-regulated society—all in the name of peace and order. Fair enough.

Marriage License Procedures

Speaking of marriage licenses, the process is generally the same, although each state or province may have slight variations. Let’s take a look at how it’s done in the U.S. and Canada.

Obtaining a Marriage License in Las Vegas

In Nevada, the requirements for a marriage license are the same whether you’re an American citizen or not. Non-U.S. citizens should check their own country’s laws to see if additional documents are needed.

To apply for a marriage license, you must be at least 18 years old, and you cannot be closely related to your spouse (no first cousins). Both applicants must not be married to anyone else at the time of application.

You’ll be asked for proof of age, and certain documents will not be accepted, such as a faxed copy of a birth certificate or a damaged ID.

If you’re a U.S. citizen, you’ll need to provide your Social Security number. For foreign citizens, this may be waived.

The marriage license fee is $55. You must appear in person to apply, and both the bride and groom must complete the application.

Accepted forms of ID in Nevada:

• Driver’s license or state-issued ID
• Original or certified birth certificate (foreign birth certificates must be translated and notarized)
• Passport
• Military ID
• Resident alien card

There’s no blood test or waiting period required for a marriage license in Las Vegas. The license is valid for one year, so be sure to marry within that time. You can get married at a chapel, church, or even the Commissioner’s office.

If one spouse is divorced, they’ll need to provide the final divorce date and supporting documentation.

If you’re under 18 but still want to marry, you can apply with the consent of a parent or legal guardian. You’ll need to present an original or certified birth certificate with the names of the consenting parent(s) or guardian(s), along with proof of their guardianship.

If you lose your marriage license, you can request a copy by writing to:

Marriage Bureau
County Clerk’s Office
P.O. Box 551603
Las Vegas, Nevada 89155-1603

Obtaining a Marriage License in Ontario

In Ontario, you can download a marriage license application here, or get a copy from your local municipal clerk’s office. Both applicants must be present when applying and bring acceptable identification such as a birth certificate, valid passport, or Canadian citizenship card.

The license is valid for three months, so make sure you use it within that time. After the ceremony, you’ll receive a Record of Solemnization of Marriage, which includes your names, the wedding date, and the names of your witnesses.

Once the marriage is registered, you can apply for a marriage certificate. Remember, the marriage license and certificate are separate documents.

Tall and Tan and Loooong!

Thinking of getting married in the rainforests of Brazil? You may need to take a six-month leave from work. It takes much longer to obtain a marriage license there because the state conducts an investigation into past marriages, divorce proceedings, and health status to ensure you’re healthy enough to have children.

So, if you meet a lovely girl from Ipanema, you might want to start the marriage license process before your first date—just in case she’s “the one.”

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Doesn’t the North American divorce rate provide proof that vows do get broken? And let’s not forget the other divorcing couples around the world who seem to have forgotten that the “’til death do us part” vow was something they said not too long ago.

Still, even if vows are broken, they remain an integral part of marriage. It’s comforting to know that when vows are exchanged during a wedding ceremony, the couple was sincere at that moment and considered marriage an enduring, fixed part of their future. If the world occasionally goes haywire, why shouldn’t couples face challenges too?

Divorces and separations happen every day. Nevertheless, vows are at the heart of a couple’s love for one another. They serve as the words that seal a marriage contract, an essential part of the wedding ritual. After all, when you attend a wedding and listen to the vows, that’s when the tears often start to flow. When the groom speaks his words of love and commitment with a shaky, emotional voice, something pierces your heart, and you feel a warmth spreading inside you, like watching a deeply romantic movie unfold. It’s at that moment, when silence fills the church, that everyone stops talking to absorb the words, the tone, and the look in the couple’s eyes.

Vows are the most emotional part of a wedding ceremony. And Cupid’s not laughing about it.

It would be refreshing if we could step away from tradition and simply “walk the talk” when expressing vows. Imagine hearing the bride say:

“Hey dude, I dig ‘ya. I promise to love you, iron your shirts, cook you a hot meal, and not nag you to take out the garbage, in exchange for a credit card with no spending limits, half the house, and 85% of your stock options. We can discuss your company pension later, subject to confirmation.”

Would that kind of vow bring a tear to your eye? Probably not. It’s a stark truth, isn’t it? But let’s not stray too far. A wedding vow is a wedding vow—respect for tradition reigns!

If a modern, 21st-century vow hasn’t found its place in today’s ceremonies, how do we craft and personalize our vows?

Writing Your Vows

Writing your vows takes work. You’ll need to think carefully and choose your words with precision. You may go through several drafts before you’re sure that the final version truly reflects the real you. But take heart—vows are traditionally brief, and it’s their brevity that gives them such eloquence and power.
If you’re at a loss for words, turn to the internet for inspiration. Your vow can be a straightforward pledge, a romantic poem, or even a prayer. Some couples choose an appropriate quote to express their feelings.

Wedding vows often share common elements. For example, in Catholic and Jewish wedding vows, the couple acknowledges each other (“I take you as my lawful wife/husband”). Another common component is the promise to love and cherish each other. And of course, there’s the “forever and ever” part, equivalent to the “’til death do us part” vow.

As long as you include these three essential components in your vow, you can word it however you like. However, bear in mind that no matter how modern our society becomes, the “dude” vow we mentioned earlier hasn’t quite earned its place—especially in a church.

If you happen to be Quaker, your vow will be similar to the Catholic or Jewish version: God and friends as witnesses, a promise to cherish, and the “as long as we both shall live” part are key components of a Quaker wedding vow.

Before you sit down to write your vow, consider these tips. It might help to play some soft, meditative music to ease your mind away from work pressures and allow your inner poet to emerge.

• Pick a central theme: avoid the overused, clichéd notion of romantic love. Instead, consider focusing on the turning point—when you realized you couldn’t live without her.
• Take a few moments to daydream: close your eyes and imagine you’re surrounded by angels blowing trumpets and smiling down on you for finding the love of your life.
• Narrow down your central idea. While love is the predominant theme, think about why you chose your partner. Was it her sense of humor, her sense of justice, or something else?
• Write down your thoughts as though you’re speaking directly to your spouse. Let the words flow naturally and effortlessly.
• Read the vow aloud. Does it sound like you? Does it accurately represent your love? You may want to practice in front of a friend. If he giggles, don’t worry—it’s probably because he never imagined you as the marrying type, and now it’s making him nervous.

Once you’re satisfied, show your vow to the officiant, who will determine if it’s appropriate. Nine times out of ten, personalized vows are acceptable, as long as they don’t stray too far from tradition.

Wedding Vows – Use Action Verbs!

Whether you choose a traditional, non-traditional, or religious vow, you can replace some common phrases with more dynamic action verbs to make your vow feel fresh and personal.
Here are some verbs that can add a little extra zing to your vow…

Endeavor / ponder / take over / attend to your needs / fulfill your desires / motivate / encourage / refresh / inspire / laugh / face the challenge / drive / plan our future / participate / be your ally / nurture / respect / color (our lives) / take responsibility for / be your hero and true partner / support

You probably wouldn’t want to sound like Shakespeare unless you’re a huge fan, but keep in mind that very old English can be difficult for younger guests to understand. And, of course, you don’t want to sound like an intellectual snob either!

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Setting Your Wedding Budget and Timeline

When planning a wedding, start by setting a budget and a timeline. Then tackle the larger, more important items first. Once those are sorted, take a breath, relax, and focus on the details.

Today, couples are spending more on weddings than ever before. The average wedding costs approximately $25,000–$35,000. Many couples decide to “splurge” because they feel that such a special occasion calls for the best a city can offer. While a wedding is, of course, a special occasion, remember that the love shared between two people is what’s truly special—an extravagant wedding doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. Though some brides may see a budget as a burden, it can actually help narrow down choices, such as which reception hall to use or how many guests to invite.

As a general rule, allocate 50% of your budget to the reception (location, food, drinks), 10% each to flowers, photography, music, and attire (bridal gown, tuxes), and the remaining 10% for favors, invitations, and other miscellaneous details. For example, if you’re planning a $10,000 wedding, you have $5,000 to spend on the reception site, so make reservations accordingly.

Another important factor to determine early in the wedding planning process (which will also help you choose a location) is how many people you and your fiancé want to invite to share in your special day. Is it important to you that all of your family—down to second cousins you rarely see—be there to witness your vows? Or would you rather have just your immediate family and closest friends? Some couples torn between the two options will have a very small wedding ceremony with only immediate family, then invite everyone they know to a larger reception.

Keep in mind, the bigger the guest list, the higher the wedding costs. Generally, receptions held in hotels cost over $40.00 per plate. Whatever size you decide, make sure you and your fiancé are happy with the number. Don’t let guilt or pressure from family members sway your decision—this is your wedding, and you should decide how many people you want to share your day with!

Once decisions on budget and size are made, your options for ceremony and reception venues should be narrowed down (see, the budgeting helps!). Traditionally, wedding ceremonies are held in a church or temple, but many couples opt for outdoor venues such as botanical gardens or backyards (weather permitting). Advantages of getting married in a church include suitable seating, a ready-made aisle and altar, and an organist or pianist to provide ceremony music. A church will typically require a minimal fee to help cover the pastor’s time and use of the facility.

An outdoor wedding requires more planning, as you’ll need to rent chairs for guests, an aisle runner, and a tent in case of rain. Plus, you’ll need to hire a musician for outdoor music. While the costs for both indoor and outdoor ceremonies can be comparable, an outdoor wedding usually demands more logistical attention. Once the ceremony site is chosen, move on to the reception site. Hotels, restaurants, and country clubs are popular reception venues because they usually offer comprehensive in-house food and beverage service, along with seating, linens, place settings, and a dance floor.

However, receptions in these venues tend to be more formal and expensive—watch out for additional fees, like cake cutting, which can cost over a dollar per person! For couples on a tight budget with lots of friends, consider hosting an outdoor reception with a big barbecue or buffet-style meal instead of a traditional sit-down service. Again, while outdoor receptions require more planning, they offer more control over food and drink choices, plus the potential for lower costs. Parks make great settings for outdoor receptions, and they’re usually affordable to reserve. The natural beauty of the location requires minimal added decoration.

Be sure to reserve your wedding and reception sites six or more months in advance (for some popular venues, you may need to book up to a year in advance). Be prepared to put down a deposit, as most venues require a portion of the total cost to reserve your date.

As you move forward, selecting your wedding party can be an emotional process. For brides, choosing attendants can be tricky—while you may have promised to include your childhood best friend in your wedding, friendships evolve, and selecting those few people to stand by your side can bring on feelings of guilt or uncertainty. The reality is that someone will likely get their feelings hurt by your choices, so be true to your heart.

Consider which friends will still be there for you after you’re married and have children. Will any of your friends shirk their duties as bridesmaids? Most often, best friends and close relatives (like sisters, brothers, and cousins) are chosen to stand up, and the number of attendants can range from one to ten or more. If you want to include friends or family but can’t fit them into the wedding party, give them other tasks, such as reading a favorite passage during the ceremony or greeting guests. Keep in mind that having a larger wedding party can become costly, with more bouquets and gifts to purchase. So, be mindful when deciding on the number of attendants.

If you’ve chosen your bridesmaids wisely, they can help organize many of the wedding details. Hopefully, you’ll have at least one maid who’s been in a wedding before to lend a hand! Take a couple of bridesmaids with you when shopping for bridesmaid dresses—this way, you can get other opinions without being overwhelmed. While some brides allow their maids to pick their own dresses, it’s often harder to reach a group consensus since no one person has authority over the others, making the decision awkward. To make it easier, select a color, length, and allow each maid to choose her own dress style. Some bridal salons offer mix-and-match options, letting each maid pick a top and bottom. This is a great option for a bridal party with a variety of body types.

As a bride, remember to be considerate of the girls’ needs—think back to your own experience as a bridesmaid. If you have a friend with red hair, don’t choose a bright pink dress! Since most bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, shoes, accessories, and hotel rooms, keep the cost in mind. If possible, offer to pay half of the dress cost—it would be greatly appreciated by your bridesmaids. Manufacturing and shipping for bridesmaid dresses typically take 8–12 weeks, so be sure to order them about six months before your wedding day to allow time for delivery and alterations.

Congratulations—the “big stuff” is planned (hopefully, your bridesmaids helped you pick out your bridal gown as well)! Take a breath, relax, and shift your focus for a moment. Now, when it comes to details like cake selection or choosing flowers, there are plenty of options. Start thinking about colors and flavors. In June and August—some of the busiest wedding months—florists and bakers tend to book up quickly, so be sure to reserve your date with your favorite vendors at least five months in advance.

Magazines can be a great resource for finding pictures of cakes and flowers you like. Tear out those pages, save them in a binder, and share them with your florist or baker to help convey your vision. Many couples are now opting for smaller individual cakes, cupcakes, or even other desserts like chocolates or cheesecake instead of a traditional tiered cake. Guests enjoy choosing their own desserts, and ordering a variety may even cost less than one big cake. If you still prefer a cake but need to save money, consider ordering a smaller display cake and having a sheet cake cut up in the kitchen and served to guests.

To save money on flowers, pick blooms that are in season during your wedding time. Tulips and peonies are great for spring, while dahlias and chrysanthemums work well for fall weddings. Some companies even offer kits to make your own paper flowers—these are not only affordable but reusable! Be creative with decorations and get your friends and family involved. Most importantly, enjoy the time spent planning your day.

One detail that can sometimes get overlooked but shouldn’t is planning your honeymoon. A honeymoon provides a much-needed opportunity for you both to relax and rejuvenate after the wedding. Whether you choose a tropical island for two weeks or a quick camping trip, make sure to prioritize some alone time together as newlyweds.

Though stress and anxiety are sure to pop up at some point during the planning process, try to keep the bigger picture in mind—the one where you and your new spouse ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Wedding planning is time-consuming, so create a solid plan and take a methodical approach to get everything in order. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family—they’ve likely been through the process before and can offer valuable support. Finally, remember to enjoy the process. If you’re lucky, this will be the only wedding you ever plan!

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Choosing a Dress That Everyone Will Love

One fear that many brides have is being labeled the “friend who chose the most hideous bridesmaid dresses.” Many dresses from the late eighties and early nineties have brides from those eras cringing at their choices. What will always remain stylish are simple yet elegant, streamlined dresses that are neither too frilly nor too lacy. Currently, A-line gowns offer a perfect choice for bridal attendants.

If you’re worried about picking an ugly dress, consider asking a few bridesmaids to accompany you to help make the decision. Alternatively, you can look at dresses online, send links to your friends via email, and poll them on their favorite styles. For a more hands-off approach, you could simply pick a color and length for the dresses and let your bridesmaids choose their own dresses within those general guidelines. This works best with colors like black or champagne, but may be more challenging with shades like pink, which can vary widely.

Picking the Right Color and Ensuring Comfort

Black is a classic choice for bridesmaid dresses, and neutrals like taupe and sand are also popular. Neutral colors have a timeless look, so if you’re worried about choosing a “dated” dress, opt for a neutral shade. Deeper colors like burgundy, purple, or hunter green are ideal for fall weddings, while paler shades like light yellow, lilac, or soft pink are more fitting for spring weddings. When choosing a color, consider your bridesmaids’ skin tones and hair colors, aiming for a shade that is universally flattering. While it can be tough to find a color that looks great on everyone, you definitely don’t want your pale-skinned, blonde friend to wear a pale yellow dress that will wash her out!

Selecting a dress that is flattering at the very least will help your bridesmaids deal with the costs they’ll likely incur. With weddings costing more than ever, many couples are unable to afford to pay for their attendants’ attire, leaving bridesmaids and groomsmen to foot the bill for dresses and tuxedos. It has become common practice for attendants to pay for their own attire, but financial assistance is still appreciated. The cost of a dress, shoes, shower gifts, wedding gifts, airfare, and hotel rooms can add up quickly for a bridesmaid. If possible, try to help with some of these expenses. Some brides, instead of paying for the dresses, may cover the hotel bill for the bridal party, or split the cost of the dresses with them. Make sure to order the dresses about six months in advance to allow time for delivery and alterations.

Some brides go the extra mile to select a bridesmaid dress that can be reused in the future. For a less formal wedding, a long skirt and sweater can make a great bridesmaid outfit. The mix-and-match pieces can later be integrated into the maid’s everyday wardrobe. Simple dresses are generally more versatile than sequined or heavily embellished options. For bridesmaids with dresses gathering dust in their closets, consider taking them to a resale shop where you can sell them for a little cash. There are also places that accept bridesmaid dresses as donations to provide them to low-income high school students who can’t afford new prom dresses.

Try to remember, amid all the chaos of choosing a bridesmaid dress, that these women are your friends. When you look back on your wedding day, you’ll care less about how they looked and more about how they felt. You have the ultimate decision-making power, but it’s important to listen to their feelings and opinions about the dresses, and to find a compromise. Make sure to communicate with all of your bridesmaids—whether by phone or email—so everyone feels included in the decision. Once the dresses are chosen, you can move on to the more fun parts of planning, like the bridal shower, and of course, the bachelorette party!

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Reasons for running away to get married include being prevented from marrying due to age, skin color, or parental non-consent. Eloping also entails running away to a state where blood tests are not required.

One reason that couples cite for their desire to elope is to get married in private, minus the hoopla of an extravagant wedding. When they realize that people other than themselves are calling the shots for their future wedding, they decide to escape to save themselves.

Planning to Run Away to Get Married?

Planning to run away to get married is similar to planning a regular wedding, except this time you’re doing it incognito. If you decide that eloping is the best solution, some planning is required. We generally don’t recommend it because it’s always good to share something special with at least a few friends and family.

The first step is to clearly establish that running away to get married is a mutual decision, and that no one is forcing it on the other. We can’t emphasize this enough. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where your current better half is itching to get married secretly because they want to escape a previous marriage or a criminal conviction.

The decision to elope is not made on a whim. It’s not like saying, “Hey, let’s drive 1000 miles today and see where that takes us.” This is not a temporary adventure or a fling; eloping is an event you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life. If you don’t know your better half well enough—background, ambitions, schooling, career, credit history—eloping can turn into a very messy undertaking.

Second, eloping does not mean you have to exclude your special friends. You can still elope with only a handful of people you choose and have a simple ceremony at city hall. In some parts of the US and Canada, eloping is possible if you can produce a marriage license and two witnesses.

The third step is to set a budget and choose a place to get married. Find out if the state or province you want to marry in requires blood tests or has a waiting period. As you know, blood tests are required in a few areas to make sure that neither of you is suffering from a venereal disease. The county clerk will inform you if these tests are required.

You will also need an officiant. The officiant should be able to issue the marriage license as well.

Talk has it that Las Vegas is a popular destination for eloping couples. So is Arizona. Some couples have even eloped to Europe. Be careful about getting married on foreign soil. The marriage license, if obtained in another country, may not be recognized or accepted by your own country. Check this detail carefully.

A story in a celebrity gossip magazine shared that British TV stars Ashley Jensen and Terence Beesley were wed in secret in the forest of Big Sur, California. They decided to elope because they didn’t want to worry about napkins. On hand assisting the couple was the family dog, who also served as the ring-bearer. The minister supposedly took care of all other arrangements—a marriage in a jiffy, by the looks of it.

Does Eloping Run in Families?

We have no scientific proof to say yes, but you sometimes wonder. We don’t want to make it sound like eloping is an incurable disease, but if you think about it, we all like to run away once in a while. Our parents may have done it as well. After all, eloping is defined in two ways: one—to run away from one’s spouse with a lover, or to run away to get married in secret; two—to slip away or escape.

Rebecca T. Godwin’s story has nothing to do with running away to get married. She just ran away to go to the dance with her boyfriend. She was fifteen at the time, and her father had nailed her windows shut to prevent her escape. He was angry because she went to the circus with her friends instead of staying home to do schoolwork, so he grounded her by nailing her windows shut. Somehow, she managed to pry open the windows, jumped out, and headed for the dance. On her way there, a strong downpour soaked her. She couldn’t show up looking like she had just gotten out of the pool, so she returned home. Unable to get back in through the window, she rang the doorbell. Her father came to the door and gave her a tongue-lashing.

This story might seem ordinary, but there’s some irony. Fifty years later, Rebecca had to nail the windows of her father’s bedroom in the care facility because he had a record for escaping, and the staff were at their wit’s end trying to keep him in.

Going back to the question of whether eloping runs in families—well, if you have enough stories similar to Rebecca’s to create an anthology, you might say that elopement does run in families. If you did some running away when you were younger, and then decades later struggled to keep your parent from escaping their healthcare facility, it’s like going full circle. Believe it or not, there’s such a thing as the National Institute for Elopement Prevention and Resolution, which was established in 2001 and is based in Topeka, Kansas. Their mission? To help family members understand the psychology of elopement and why patients escape from healthcare facilities.

Essentially, therefore, elopement can mean more than just running away to get married. In fact, if there’s a need to establish an institute like the one in Kansas, it probably indicates that eloping from one’s caregivers takes on more significance than eloping to get married.

Not that we’re suggesting you plan on running away twice in your life: the first time to get married (stage 1), and the second time to escape from a healthcare institution in your golden years (stage 2).

We stumbled upon a book called The Elopement Everything Book: Avoid the Wedding Chaos (2004), written by Shelly Hagen. It talks about how to avoid the hassles and time-consuming logistics of planning a big, organized event. It shows couples how to say NO to an extravaganza their parents want to stage. Couples who don’t want to spend large sums of money just for a wedding may find this book helpful. It provides tips on passports and marriage licenses, budget planning, breaking the news to friends and family, throwing a small party when they return, and settling into married life. And where can you get a copy? We saw it on Amazon.com. Do read the customer reviews first.

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Some men might suggest Yankee Stadium in New York as their top choice, while some women might choose a shopping area where there’s no tax to pay or a spa where they can enjoy a daily facial.

It takes two to tango, and if Argentina’s tango nightclubs don’t appeal to you, then that country might not be considered a romantic honeymoon destination, unless you’re a diehard tango fan. By the way, tango is quite an erotic dance!

Different Strokes for Different Folks

Our personal choice would be a place, no matter the country, where we could play tennis, swim, and go for long walks. We would opt for a sporty honeymoon over all others simply because we can’t imagine ourselves romantically watching the sunset and collecting seashells on the beach for 10 hours a day.

If we were born with even a hint of poetic nature, we might choose a place that inspires us to write poetry. We think the Canadian Rockies would be a sublime spot for poets, though not everyone could endure the rocks for long periods. And if you’re religious, Lourdes in France might appeal to you. If you’re the intellectual type, we know of universities around the world that could serve as a “learning honeymoon” site, if such a thing exists. These universities offer courses on Medieval History and Archaeology, complete with board and lodging, plus daily excursions to historic places.

You don’t have to honeymoon in the most popular destinations like Italy or Hawaii; some people we know would rather take the road less traveled so their honeymoon aligns more with their temperaments and preferences.

Before we mention some favorite destinations, let’s go over a few tips for preparing for that idyllic honeymoon:

• The honeymoon destination must be agreed upon mutually. Both partners must have an equal chance to choose. How do you agree? Both of you should write down your top three honeymoon choices. Your selections should depend on finances, the activities you want to enjoy, and whether you prefer a hotel, campsite, or something more adventurous.
• Once you’ve narrowed down your choices, do your research. This should cover: weather and timing, visa and passport requirements, vaccinations, accommodations, internet and phone service (you may not have access to emails if you choose a remote location), car rental, sightseeing options, equipment rental, and whether there are any travel advisories from the Department of Foreign Affairs.
• Make sure your credit cards aren’t maxed out and that they are accepted in the country you’re visiting. You may want to have cash and traveler’s cheques in case you misplace your cards or your cash is stolen. Consider doing a wire transfer in advance.
• Decide what clothes and footwear you’ll need, and make allowances for sudden temperature changes or exceptionally hot days.
• Ask whether bottled water is available. Most countries offer bottled water these days, but if you’re heading to the mountains, it might be scarce.

Top Romantic Honeymoon Locations

These six romantic locations are not based on scientific studies or popularity polls. Since choosing a honeymoon spot is highly personal, some people may not agree with these suggestions, either due to an unpleasant past experience or because they know of other more enticing places.

Panama – This destination would appeal to beach lovers. Panama boasts stretches of white sandy beaches. If you get tired of one beach, you can simply move to another. The weather is great, and the US dollar is the country’s currency. Many retirees and investors choose Panama because the cost of living is affordable, and the locals are some of the warmest around. In fact, many people who visit Panama choose to stay and never go back home. The country also offers a relaxed way of life and excellent food.

Jamaica – You might not associate this tropical country with a vibrant nightlife, but it has one! If you’re into forests, Jamaica’s greenery is incredible. You can take a bamboo raft to explore caves and waterfalls, check out Ocho Rios, or join a plantation or Blue Mountain tour.

The Bahamas – This destination is so close to the US, yet so different in character. The Bahamas isn’t just for the super-wealthy—it caters to various budgets. You can explore any of the country’s 700 islands, and the beaches are magnificent. For eco-adventurers, the Bahamas should be on your list. The marine life is abundant.

Italy – A country brimming with love and music. If you and your partner want to explore a new side of love or experience a unique romantic hideaway, Italy is for you. It will satisfy your romantic cravings, your taste for fine food, and your love for fine wine. Two friends highly recommend Sorrento, a small city with about 16,000 inhabitants. The Amalfi Drive is a must-see if you like living on the edge of Mediterranean cliffs!

England and Ireland – Why not? London, England, is one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. If you love theatre hopping and pub crawling, England is the place for you. If your partner enjoys shopping, Harrods is in London. While she’s busy spending your money, you can sneak off to Ireland for a relaxing round of golf. Some of the best golf courses in Ireland are near Dublin.

Monaco – If money is no object and you want to rub elbows with the rich and famous, Monaco is the place to be. Skip Beverly Hills for now and head to Monaco instead. There used to be a saying that Monaco’s streets were paved with gold—we don’t know if that’s true, but the place certainly exudes wealth. Many celebrities live in Monaco to avoid high taxes in their home countries. And if you’re into ballet or opera, Monaco’s Salle Garnier offers top-tier entertainment.

Okay, lovebirds, live and let live!

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