And for the record, ALL parents should know that everyone from the American Academy of Pediatrics to the Mayo Clinic are against co-sleeping due to the hazards that it can pose to your child. The question here is not for against bed sharing but when it becomes unnatural, wrong, or just plain weird. Is there an age where a child should not sleep with mom or dad? Does the gender of the child matter? Regardless of how it starts, and how you feel about it you know that at some point it has to end, right? But when? When are kids simply too old to sleep with mom and dad?

Let’s see what the experts have to say about allowing children to sleep with mom and dad.

In March of 2007, the New York Times published a research article on this very subject. The article believes that an older child sleeping with parents does not do enough to maintain a healthy separation between adults and children. And obviously, a 10 year old in the bed is quite a hindrance to martial intimacy. In the study, it suggested that children sleeping with parents can be responsible for destroying a marriage and even confusing children about their sexual identity.

Should a pubescent boy who wakes up every morning with an erection, be sleeping next to his mother? Should a young girl, perhaps one that is budding breasts or entering menstruation sleep next to her father? Most people would agree that allowing a 10 or 11-year-old child to sleep with a parent of the opposite sex is wrong or somehow taboo in today’s world. And outwardly, those who disagree with co-sleeping would likely be freaked out by such behavior. But to the family sharing the bed, all might seem cozy and completely non-sexual. However, it is slightly disturbing to understand WHY an older child would still WANT to sleep with their parents.

A study out of the University of Michigan showed that children who slept with their parents beyond the age of 2 many into the preteen years, were developmentally stunted and even faced years and years of sleep issues later in life. A poll conducted by Mothering dot come also showed that 40% of moms believe co-sleeping should end between the ages of 3 and 5, while 34% believed kids between 6 and 8 should be given the red light to the parental bedroom door. Around 24% believed that co sleeping shouldn’t occur to begin with.

According to the Family Law Association, differences in belief on co-sleeping especially as older, opposite sex parents are concerned is often a point of contention. And since there are no laws surrounding an age when children shouldn’t sleep in a parent’s bed, this becomes grey area. Normally, when it is brought to the attention of a family law attorney psychological evaluations of the child are ordered to see if there are any issues of foul play involved. And subsequently, it turns bonding moments and co-sleeping into an issue of sexuality. Which for most people, it is not.

Bottom line is that at some point your child will NOT sleep with you any longer. Every family has a different arrangement and set up in place. There are tons of families who fall asleep in the same bed watching television every night. There are other families who keep the marital or parental door completely locked and off limits. What needs to be addressed are the issues that surround the co sleeping. If they are developmental in nature as it pertains to older children, then something needs to be done. If they are matters of convenience based on house size or bed availability then there might not be a lot of options. What is most important is being cognizant of how ALL the parties’ involved parent, spouse, and child feel about the matter.

Still. And obviously, there comes a point in a parent child relationship when privacy should be respected and separation should begin. There also comes a time in a marriage where co-sleeping will greatly, if not gravely affect the marital relationship. So deciding when a child is too old to sleep with mom and dad becomes a judgment call.

From the outside, it might seem creepy for mother and son, or father and daughter or even daughter and mother and father and son to be sharing a bed into the pre-teen or teenage years. It’s certainly not ‘normal,’ at least as far as statistics show. But the closeness and ways that each and every family bond with one another are different, and every family has its own definition of what is right and what is wrong.

What do you think? Is there a certain age when children should no longer sleep with their parents?

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Making matters worse is that the pregnancy tests that claim to be able to accurately predict pregnancy days earlier than all the rest, while accurate, are definitely no sure thing. In fact, with a negative test, the makers paste a clear label that directs you to wait a few more days and take another one. (Frustrating and Expensive) And those happy well-wishers, who are aware of your secret mission to conceive, will tell you just don’t think about it! To which, all you can is say HA! How can you not think, wonder and worry if you are about to embark on the journey of parenthood? How is it possible to try to build a life inside you and then be forced to wait to know for sure if it is there? The emotions during this waiting period are sure to run high and you will likely be more in tune with your body than ever before, searching, sometimes desperately, for the symptoms of conception.

This brings us to the next point. Are there ‘symptoms of conception?’

The answer, clearly’certainly’ is YES!

The problem is that in very, very early pregnancy you have to be able to separate fact from fiction and decide whether what you are feeling, is a symptom of conception or one that is being produced through your thoughts. There is such a thing as psychological pregnancy where the desire to conceive is so deep, that women often begin developing the signs of pregnancy.

The best way to figure this whole wicked puzzle out is to sit back and relax. By now, you should know your body and have a pretty good idea what is ‘normal’ for you in the days leading to menstruation. Take a few minutes each and every day to breathe deep breaths and sort of ‘connect’ with your body. This will also help you to feel more relaxed and perhaps a little less impatience.

Next up, is to understand the process of conception. A sperm in the reproductive organs can live 4 to 5 days before being fertilized. So if you have planned sex around ovulation, it doesn’t mean that you are going to conceive the next day. Even ovulation tests that look for hormonal plunges that signal ovulation are not an exact science of when ovulation occurs. The sperm has to travel to the egg, fertilize it and then the happily and newly paired union has to make their way into the uterus. Once there, conception STILL has not occurred. The perfect pH balance of your uterus, along with a surge of hormones will allow this happy couple to implant into the uterine lining. Once implantation occurs, the female body has two choices. Either begin producing the pregnancy hormone called HCG, which will hold the fertilized egg in place – or not. When the body decides to keep the egg and sperm combo, and they implant firmly into the uterine wall conception has occurred.

But wait! The next step where genetic splitting begins taking place around 2 days after fertilization is another key to successful conception. Often if there is anything wrong with the developing embryo, the human body will recognize it and women will experience a period. (Perhaps a few days later than normally). This isn’t necessarily a miscarriage. However, if you take pregnancy tests very early, there is a slim chance you will know that you were pregnant.

The following are the physical symptoms of conception that you may (or may not) feel at the time of conception.

Many women feel a strong pinching sensation in the lower abdomen. (Right above the hairline) This is thought to be during implantation, and you may even experience a slight amount of discharge or bleeding at this time. This doesn’t necessarily feel like period cramps, but more like you are being pinched on the inside.

You can also feel a fullness or hardness in the lower abdomen almost immediately upon conception. Even though the baby is still microscopic, hormonal changes alter the feel of your uterus and this fullness can occur. Some women may also feel like they are about to get a urinary tract infection.

Tiredness, can occur almost immediately for many women. If you suddenly need lengthy afternoon naps, you might suspect that you are pregnant even if it is a week before your period is due. It takes a lot of energy for your body to get pregnant, which can leave you exhausted. As soon as HCG starts pumping through your body, which is normally the same day as implantation occurs you might feel hungrier than normal or experience weird cravings for food. This is your body simply telling you what you need.

One confusing symptom of conception is crampiness, increased discharge, and pelvic pain. This can feel very much like you are about to get your period, but is actually your body going through the changes caused by pregnancy. This is nothing to worry about and is normal for most women. In fact, one of the reasons so many women think they aren’t pregnant is because early pregnancy feels very much like you are to start menstruating.

Last but certainly not least are the breast and cervical changes. For some women, breast tenderness and a darkening around the nipples occurs immediately, even before a missed period. Additionally, a doctor can look at your cervix, which turns bluish during pregnancy even before you have missed a period and likely tell if you are pregnant or not.

Even so, the best thing to do is to sit back and wait. Enjoy this two-week mystery time in your life with the knowing that at any moment, your life could be changed forever. Try your best not to feel stressed out or overly anxious, and continue with your life as normal. The bottom line is you will know whether you are pregnant or not soon enough.

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Many schools of thought about marriage seem to indicate that couples should see divorce as a consequence in a marriage. If you are constantly aware that there could be some reactions from your actions, divorce being one of them, you will be less likely to stray from the straight and arrow path, right? And by realizing the possibility of divorce, you will always be able to negotiate through the muddy waters of marriage with some clarity. The problem with this line of thinking is that it creates quite a bit of insecurity in a marriage. If you are constantly worrying or thinking about the fact that you could end up divorced, or that your partner could ultimately leave you you will proceed with such caution that you will fail to be authentic. This is no way to be married. (At least no good way to be). And the bottom line is that marriage should be about security and stability, not insecurity and sporadic behavior.

Most people, use the threat of divorce for the sheer ‘shut-up’ factor. They know that when things aren’t going their way or that there is a problem looming; they can avoid confrontation and argument by simply saying they want a divorce. This works especially well if the person using the threat realizes that the spouse they are threatening will shrivel at the mere mention of the ‘D’ word. Suffice it to say, if threatening divorce works’.and you always back down from your position or from the argument when the word is hailed, you have a part in teaching your partner this behavior. And no, this doesn’t make it any more right. It actually indicates that there is a major problem in your relationship that has much more to do with respect and compassion than it does the ‘issue’ at hand.

Essentially, many people use the divorce card as a succinct way to ‘win’ or end an argument.

Yet, there is another factor as well. Often, when people are unhappy in a marriage they displace their feelings on the other person. For instance, when someone is cheating, they often accuse the partner of cheating. When it comes to threatening divorce, it very well could be that your partner is trying to plant ideas in YOUR head, because the divorce is what they really want. Lots of people are unhappy in their relationships, and even with no valid reasons would be happier without the ring and ties of marriage. So by constantly threatening divorce, they are looking for ways to justify how they feel, or hopefully set the wheels in motion (in your head) with the hopes that they wont be the bad guy.

Unfortunately, it is difficult at best to understand or decide which motive your partner has in threatening divorce. ‘

The best advice that you can be given is to understand this. First of all, idle threats and intimidation WILL NOT work in a marriage. You might as well be divorced. The emotional ramifications of being treated like this will stymie your happiness and your growth as a person. So what you need to do if you are on the receiving end of these threats is to just once say, ‘Okay!’ ‘Move out!’ ‘Let’s do it!’ And mean it. Perhaps a trial separation will help you realize that the marriage isn’t healthy. But more important by calling this person on their threats, you force them to pay attention to what THEY are saying, and stand up for yourself in the process. Sure, it could be scary to respond in this manner, however if you are never able to move past the issues at hand or discuss problems in your marriage to the point of resolution, you really have nothing to lose.

Depending on your partners personality set, they may react in numerous ways. They may try to cast blame on you, or they may back peddle a little (or a lot) realizing that they have threatened divorce one too many times. Either way, it could be a positive changing point in your relationship.

Yet, you should realize that what you have to say, discuss and what you feel should be heralded as important. When someone loves you, they shouldn’t have to resort to childish tactics of making threats to get their way. And just as divorce is a consequence for improper actions in a marriage, calling his or her bluff is an appropriate consequence for dealing with a spouse who constantly threatens divorce.

The bottom line is this! Threatening divorce is not the way to deal with issues in the marriage. Eventually the person on the receiving end of these threats will tire of them, and will lose their fear of being divorced in lieu of being free from this sort of treatment from someone they love. Yes, there are certain issues within your marriage that may warrant divorce, or the threat of divorce. But it isn’t something that healthy couples say every time they argue. The best advice is to get help as a couple or simply get out of the relationship.

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Accusing someone of cheating is not something that should be done in jest or in anger. Just because the two of you have hit a lull in the relationship, or experiencing some sort of problems doesn’t automatically mean that your partner has resorted to cheating. In fact, the misplaced accusation, and the undeserved suspicion can easily become the end of a promising relationship if you are wrong, especially if it becomes an overused go-to response to any sort of dissention in the relationship.

Essentially, when you accuse someone of cheating – you are accusing him or her of lying to you. You are accusing them of being dishonest on the most primitive foundation of your relationship. The most natural and immediate response when you accuse someone wrongly of lying to you is for them to become angered and defensive. So often, although you may make the accusation because you are trying to figure out what is wrong in the relationship, you may inadvertently make matters much worse. Why? Because dishonesty and lying and cheating top the list of character flaws, and a false accusation – especially if it is not based on any sort of resounding proof – is attacking the character of your partner at a root level.

Additionally, when a partner becomes defensive or feels like you are attacking them – most people will react in an equally hurtful matter which does more to obscure the truth than reveal it.

So what should you do if you suspect a partner is cheating?

Before spouting off accusations and risk putting the relationship in further turmoil, do some homework. There are normally some pretty telltale signs of cheating. Have your partners habits changed profusely? Are they using their cell phone more? Are they more secretive than normal? Are they working longer hours at work? Do you notice discrepancies in some of the things they are doing that just do not seem to make sense? Some other signs that your partner may be cheating are going out with ‘friends’ more, changing their personal habits – such as wearing perfume or cologne when they normally don’t, working out excessively and an increase (due to guilt) or decrease in their desire to have sex with you. Have they suddenly been accusing YOU of infidelity without any real reason to do so?

If you notice sudden changes like these, then you might want to try on your investigative hat before making blind accusations. Check cell phone records; see if they are really where they say they are. In other words, find something, anything concrete that you can use to verify your feelings. Then, and only then – confront them with some of the facts so they realize you aren’t basing your accusation on personal insecurity. Then, pay close attention to their response. Are they defensive? Shocked? Surprised? Do they become immediately indignant, angry and begin blaming you for the things that are going wrong in the relationship? If their relationship seems out of character, or somehow ‘off’ or unreasonable, then your suspicions may be right. Even so, it is a very rare person that will actually admit that they are having an affair. Most people hide the affair, which adds to the excitement and adrenaline rush of the infidelity – until they are literally caught in the act. So if your partner IS cheating – they likely won’t admit it.

If you immediately think your spouse is cheating when the relationship seems off-kilter, you also have to ask yourself if this is more an internal response than one based on your partner. For instance, if you have been in a relationship that ended with infidelity, or have been otherwise personally affected by infidelity, there is a good chance that your internal hurt and pain may make you jump to conclusions of cheating too quickly. And the more you think about something, ruminate about the possibilities, the more the mind can begin to make something ‘look true,’ that really isn’t. Unfortunately, when emotions are so deeply tied to a situation it can be very difficult to step aside long enough to make common sense decisions.

The best way to confront a situation, or to accuse a partner of infidelity is to do so calmly. Try to view the commentary as a conversation rather than a conversation. Choose a time when both of you are feeling calm, and when there aren’t many outside distractions to deal with. And definitely have the conversation in private. You should also work hard to keep your emotions in check during the conversation. Most importantly, breach the subject by using YOUR feelings, rather than being accusatory. Instead of saying, “You always come home late from work, say “I miss you when you come home late for work and we don’t get to spend time together.” Own how YOU feel – rather than immediately put your partner on the defensive. You should also help your spouse understand that you are confused or concerned about the relationship and that you want to work things out.

This doesn’t mean that you will necessarily get the truth. However, the best way to fix things in a relationship is to talk about them together. And just remember, that your partner should be innocent until proven guilty.

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The reality, however, is that each person within every family does have a specific role. And while the boundaries or descriptions may be ‘lightly defined’ or even unspoken, there is likely a boss.

The Role of Leadership in Family Dynamics

This begs the question: “Who is the boss in your family?” And more importantly, should there be a boss? Or does one person taking control throw off the balance of mutual respect and equality in a family?

In most families today, one person handles the finances, another manages the yard work, and someone is usually most responsible for the kids. There might also be someone who plans meals and cooks, or a person in charge of keeping the house clean. The majority of households divide chores and duties based on need, family makeup (for instance, a stay-at-home parent will likely handle the kids more than a working parent), and individual talent. Clearly, the most adept person in the house at handling money will likely be the one managing the bills and budget.

Yet, in many households today, there is one person who is large and in charge—someone who takes on the role of tribal leader, whose word seems to always be the final word, whether others agree with it or not. It is also becoming increasingly common for children to take charge in some families, telling their parents what to do and making decisions about the family’s overall function based on their needs and desires.

Historically, we come from a long tradition of patriarchal roles, where men in the family were the rule-makers and decision-makers. Decades ago, it was considered politically incorrect for mothers to say, “Wait until your father gets home,” as dad was seen as the ultimate disciplinarian. Men were often the ones in charge of making important family decisions. This tradition also extended to elders and generations of men who ruled the household, while women tended to what was considered “woman’s work.”

In a recent study by The University of Michigan, family dynamics are shown to be changing. Today, both men and women take on leadership roles in the family. Often, the division of labor and responsibilities are clearly outlined from the beginning of the relationship to ensure equality and clear communication. Modern men are giving up the traditional notion of ‘control,’ and women are becoming empowered to handle tasks that, just decades ago, were considered male duties. This shift has made a big difference in marriage dynamics, and research has found that when families operate with a balanced routine of responsibilities, households—much like businesses—run more smoothly. Plus, when both husband and wife are involved in decision-making and treat each other as equals, the relationship avoids the often silent hierarchy. Today, fewer women are saying, “I have to ask my husband” as if seeking permission; instead, more are saying, “My husband and I have to discuss this.” According to Money Magazine, around 41% of all household budgets and bill payments are managed by women.

At the end of the day, there is likely still a stronger personality in the home who has some influence in the family dynamics. Two strong-willed, headstrong people who both strive to be in charge can make for a competitive marriage. The key is striking a balance that gives all members of the family, from the kids on up, the freedom to express their thoughts and feelings, and to have a say in the family’s overall dynamic. Family is about partnerships, and while it’s necessary to have some organization and leadership for it to work, there is nothing to say that these qualities cannot come from multiple people.

If the balance of power in a marriage leans too far toward one person, the other family members may feel undermined, insignificant, or even victimized. The best advice is to allow each family member to have ‘control’ over the areas they manage best. Capitalize on one another’s skills, and try to keep overall decision-making as a general consensus that includes everyone’s opinions and feelings. Remember that while businesses and organizations need a pecking order to survive and thrive, families thrive on mutual respect and compassion.

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Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they come from your body. But once they do, they seem to have no idea that your body belongs to you. Even an infant and a baby tend to be constantly groping their mother – whether it be the soft skin above your breast, or your ear lobe. As they get older, they have no qualms with sticking their hands up your shirt while you are standing in line at the bank. And going to the bathroom sets off a silent alarm that only a child can hear, which has them bolting through the bathroom door at the precise moment when you are ready to wipe your own butt for once. Funny thing is, try as you may to send them away – and no matter how times you tell them they will need to give you a few minutes, they will not leave. Apparently, there is something so incredibly interesting going on in the bathroom that they would rather be in there with you, than anywhere else in the house.

The older they get the worse it gets. For the first 4 to 5 years of their young life, they have walked in on you at every worst moment possible. They have followed you into every department store bathroom stall, and have wondered out loud things like, “Why is your pee red mommy,” or said, “Mommy are you pooping,” precisely loud enough for everyone in the bathroom to hear.

Even though they have hopped in the shower with you a hundred times over, they still wonder about your pubic hair each and every time, which somehow totally ruins the whole “relaxing in the shower” experience. And no matter where you hide your vibrator or sex handbook – the kids will somehow find it on the night that you are hosting a dinner party for your friends from church! “Hey mama, look what I found in your dresser,” they will blurt out as they run through the living room.

And as they grow up, their lack of respect for your modesty only continues. But now, along with seeing you in precarious situations – they are also laughing at you and calling you fat. Suddenly, they notice your stretch marks or think that you have the ugliest boobs on the planet. They might even ask you about why you have a pimple on your butt and say something like, “Oh mama, that’s GROSS!” Well then. If it’s so gross, then why do they keep coming back?

Kiddar (the technical term for kid radar) also seems to be set to the frequency to know when mommy and daddy want some private time for romance. Every mother’s worst nightmare is that their child will walk into the bedroom at the precise moment of orgasm and wonder what in the world the two of you are doing. Then, the next day they will try to explain what they saw to a teacher at school, grandma or some perfect stranger at the gas station. As if making time to have sex with your spouse wasn’t hard enough already, right?

Add a few years, and the privacy becomes more than just an invasion of modesty. Suddenly, they are listening to you talk on the phone. They can read now too, so they sit behind you while you type emails and pay bills just to be overly nosey. They might even be checking your text messages or reading your Facebook.

And then there are the questions. From the time they can talk to the time they have moved out of the house, children invade a mother’s privacy with questions. And ‘because I said so,” or “I don’t know,” are just never good enough answers. They pry constantly thinking that it is somehow their right to know every single detail about your life. They want to know what you were like when you were a kid, when the first time you had sex was and if you have ever smoked marijuana. They want to know who you were talking to all the time and place demands to know what it is you did all day while they were at school. And then, if you don’t answer them in the manner of full disclosure with which they feel they deserve – they will walk in on you with your pants down while you are peeing.

No one said the life of a mother was easy. And no one told you how extremely precious anything private would become either. The truth is that once you become a mother, you somehow sign some mysterious agreement that essentially voids you of having any type of life that is your own. And while annoying, there is a good chance that you wouldn’t have it any other way.

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A few decades ago, likely when you were growing up, your parents sent you out to the yard to play—unsupervised—so they could have some time alone or enjoy a cocktail with friends. In fact, a long-standing rule about children was that they were to be seen and not heard. But not anymore! Today, we are raising children who are the center of the universe, have little respect for what their parents provide for them, and who live in a constant state of “want more” and “have more” from a very young age.

This makes it very difficult for some parents to cherish the time they have without their children.

The Impact of Parenting Today

A 2011 study by the Daily Health Bulletin indicated that around 33% of all parents today are suffering from depression. This depression stems from many things, one major factor being the parental guilt that they are not doing a good enough job parenting their kids. Even more frightening is that around 47% of all parents take some form of nerve medication designed to help them feel more at ease, less stressed, and happier so they can “enjoy” their family time even more. Additionally, fewer parents today are taking reprieves from their kids, such as vacations or even date nights out—something that has been less common than in years past.

Two decades ago, it was commonplace for parents to hire the teenager down the street to babysit their children so mom and dad could go out for a nice meal and enjoy drinks uninterrupted by the pitter-patter of little feet. Today, fewer parents participate in such inexpensive outings without their children, feeling compelled to include their kids in every activity they do. Instead of the couple taking a cruise for a week and leaving the kids with the grandparents, families are now opting for family Disney cruises.

Could this play a significant part in the fact that we have the highest divorce rates in history? Could this be why so many parents are depressed? Could it be that being overly committed to your children to the point where you feel nervous or anxious—or like a “bad parent”—when they are not around is one of the pitfalls of this new brand of parenting?

At some point, you have to realize as a parent that not only are you a parent, but you are also a person. It is frightening to think that some parents have no other passion than their children. It is even more concerning to think that there are adults who cannot enjoy themselves unless they are in the presence of their kids. And worse, even though mom and dad may be trying to make the most of the time they have with their children, they are putting quite a bit of pressure on their kids.

Researchers believe that parents who do not have lives outside of their children cause their kids, even from a very young age, to feel responsible for their parent’s happiness. This can inhibit your child’s ambitions and behaviors as they grow older. According to some staggering statistics, around 40% of children with behavioral problems that require medication have parents who are considered “helicopter parents” or who are suffering from anxiety or depression themselves.

The family dynamic has changed greatly over the years. Instead of sending the kids out to play, to make tracks in the dirt, to explore, to have fun, and to busy themselves, parents have become the cure-all for boredom, limiting their children’s creativity and ability to self-soothe. And in the process, parents have become invisible people, struggling to understand their own wants and needs, and losing their own personal passion for life.

The bad news is that your children will grow up. At some point, your children will become individuals who will pursue lives of their own. When that happens, where will you be? Will you be trying to figure out who you are, why you are so unhappy, and what went wrong in your relationship?

There is a great deal of research that proves, beyond a doubt, that a happy parent makes a happy child. While the new rule of thumb is to “put your kids first,” the truth is that parents also need to put themselves first and seek out their own happiness to harmonize the home environment. Your kids may cling to you when they are little, but it is only natural for them to seek independence—and they want you to have some semblance of your own happiness.

Cherishing time without your children is not a bad thing. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to admit—and act upon—the fact that your children sometimes drive you crazy. In fact, it makes you human. Even better, when you and your children are reunited, it will better equip you to be the warm, loving, calm, and collected parent you want to be, rather than the grumpy and always stressed-out parent your child sees. No matter how much you provide for your children in terms of time and money, it is the quality of the time spent that your children will remember.

So go. Do. Get away from those kids for a while and don’t look back. Enjoy the time you have without them. In the end, it will help you enjoy the time you have with them even more.

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Exploring Forgiveness After Infidelity

But what happens when couples choose to work through an affair? How does one partner learn to forgive a cheater, and is it even possible? Experts suggest that past behavior often predicts future actions. Can those who cheat become faithful, loving partners? The answers differ for each couple. Only you and your partner can determine your capacity for forgiveness and whether moving forward with a second chance is worthwhile. If you’re considering forgiving a cheater, here are some steps to guide you.

Five Steps to Forgive a Cheater

• Diffuse Your Anger: It’s natural to feel angry, but you shouldn’t suppress it. Give yourself time to recharge emotionally, find a constructive outlet for your anger, and decide not to address forgiveness until you’re ready. This might require temporary separation from your partner until you calm down. Once ready, express your feelings openly to your partner. Sharing your anger with the person who wronged you is essential. If you don’t allow yourself to feel, vent, or process your anger, forgiveness will be difficult.
• Assess Your Ability to Forgive: Before attempting forgiveness, determine if you’re capable of letting go. Some people can forgive and move on; others cannot. If you can’t forgive, it may be healthier to end the relationship. Identify what you need to move forward and see if your partner can provide it. You might not want to forgive, and staying in a relationship that constantly reminds you of pain is unfair to yourself. Initially, punishing your partner may feel justified, but in the long run, this is unhealthy and leaves you with an unfulfilling relationship. Consider whether you’re willing to risk being hurt again and if you can genuinely give your partner a chance to rebuild trust.
• Sever Ties with the Affair Partner: Research shows that two-thirds of affairs occur in the workplace. Is your partner willing to cut all ties with the affair partner, even if it means changing jobs? If they cannot, and you’re constantly aware they’re still seeing that person daily, the relationship may have little chance of recovery. For forgiveness to be possible, all contact with the affair partner must end.
• Consider the Consequences: Reflect on the consequences of both forgiving and not forgiving. While the infidelity isn’t your fault, your decision to move forward or part ways may affect others, such as children. However, reconciling solely because of others, like disappointed children, isn’t enough. Make a choice that feels right and fair for everyone involved.
• Evaluate Your Partner’s Sincerity: You know your partner well, including their capacity for love and their actions. Discuss the infidelity, its causes, and each other’s feelings. Your partner must convince you of their willingness to change. Reflect on their personality and behavior to determine if their apologies are sincere. If you doubt their sincerity, it may be best to move on.

Learning to forgive a cheater requires letting go. You can let infidelity define your relationship, revisiting it endlessly, or choose to release it. Infidelity often arises from communication breakdowns, and some individuals don’t view sex with another person as cheating. Address these challenging issues with your partner to determine whether your differences are reconcilable. Forgiveness is a personal journey that demands honesty and courage.

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When Cats Do and Don’t Need a Bath

Cats usually don’t need to be bathed on a routine basis. They take care of their grooming largely on their own and require little assistance to stay clean. A healthy cat spends about 10% or more of its time grooming itself, effectively keeping its fur free of dirt and other substances it may encounter during the day.

However, as your cat ages, there may be things it used to do but can no longer manage or has lost interest in. Self-grooming, for example, can become difficult for some cats. You can often help by brushing your cat’s coat to remove excess debris that it may have missed. A damp paper towel, wet washcloth, or pre-moistened towelette (like a baby wipe) can be used to wipe off your cat and clean up its fur if it has a “dirty bum” or if there are other conditions requiring your assistance. However, a simple wipe-up isn’t always enough.

Occasionally, there may be something on your cat’s fur that is unsafe for it to lick off or something that is too smelly for you to wait for your cat to clean. In such cases, you’ll need to give your cat a helping hand—through a bath. If your cat is a biter, you might want to seek help from a professional groomer instead of risking the loss of appendages you’ve grown fond of. However, if you’re brave enough to attempt this on your own, you need to be prepared.

Preparing for the Bath
Before you begin, gather all the necessary supplies. Choose a small, enclosed area—usually the bathroom—if it’s small enough, and get the space ready before bringing your cat there. You will need:

• Mild soap, preferably cat shampoo (Dawn original formula dish soap works well too)
• A stack of warm, dry towels
• A bathtub or large sink with warm water already running
• A rubber bath mat or a small towel/cloth for your cat to stand on during the bath
• A cup or bowl to pour water onto your cat
• A washcloth to clean your cat’s face
• A cat brush or comb (flea comb if fleas are an issue)
• A blow dryer, if you plan to use it to dry your cat
• A helper, if available
• Band-Aids and antibiotic ointment (optional, in case of scratches)

Having everything ready before you bring your cat into the area will make the process much smoother. The sounds of water running and the preparation can cause anxiety for your cat, so having everything set up in advance will help avoid additional stress for both of you.

Giving Your Cat a Bath
If your cat is a fighter, you’re not in for an easy time. Most cats won’t enjoy getting a bath (though some rare exceptions exist). Start by talking to your cat in a calm, firm, and reassuring tone. Don’t act nervous or scared—your cat will pick up on this and likely react by trying to escape.

Gently place your cat in the water, either on a rubber bath mat or a small cloth that it can grip, so it doesn’t slip. If you have a helper, have them hold onto your cat’s body and shoulders. If you’re alone, you’ll need to secure the cat with one hand and use the other to scrub.

Ignore the meowing, yowling, and protesting your cat might do. Get the bath done quickly and as gently as possible. Avoid getting water in your cat’s ears and face, and instead use a wet cloth to clean these areas. After wetting the rest of the cat, apply shampoo, starting at the neck and working towards the tail. Always work from clean to dirty to avoid transferring messes.

To rinse, scoop water up with a cup or bowl and gently pour it over your cat. Keep the water away from the face to prevent panic. If your cat’s head does get wet, it may try to escape, so be sure to keep the room closed off to prevent an escape.

Once thoroughly rinsed, drain the water and wrap your cat in a fluffy towel to calm it down. If you have a helper, one of you can hold the cat while the other helps dry it off. You can use a blow dryer on a low, quiet setting if your cat tolerates it, but this is often more stressful than helpful. If the weather allows, it’s better to let your cat dry itself after a quick toweling.

If you regularly brush and comb your cat, the grooming process after a bath can help calm them down. If you start bathing kittens when they are 7-9 weeks old and continue with regular monthly baths, it can make the process less traumatic. That said, it’s not necessary, as most cats are quite capable of handling their own grooming and don’t require frequent baths.

Conclusion
So, should you bathe a cat? In most cases, your cat will be able to take care of bathing on its own. However, there are occasions when your cat will need a little help—especially when there’s something dangerous on its fur, like motor oil or antifreeze. In these instances, it’s important to wash it off in the least distressing way possible.

For more information on grooming your cat, you can check out this article: What’s Involved in Grooming a Cat.

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Financial analysts always recommend paying yourself first. This means setting aside some money for savings. Many couples think that a small amount, like $20, won’t add up, but over time, it does. Instead of spending that $20 on a dress you don’t need, why not put it into savings? If you’re lucky enough to win at bingo, deposit the money straight into a savings account rather than spending it immediately. Be tough on yourself about saving. The next piece of advice in balancing a checkbook is to create a budget and stick to it. Every good budget should have a margin of error to keep you afloat in case of an emergency. Living within your means, saving money whenever possible, and viewing your finances as a critical part of your home and life are essential to avoid financial chaos. Don’t feel like using coupons, searching for discount codes online, or waiting for sales is inconvenient. You work hard for your money, and it shouldn’t be spent recklessly. Wealthy people are often skilled at finding bargains and living well with less. Buying in bulk may cost more upfront, but it can save thousands if done with planning.

The Challenge: Controlling Impulse Spending

If you and your family are struggling to keep the checkbook from becoming a nightmare, rise to the challenge of not spending unnecessarily. Try to see how many things you can go without and commit to asking yourself before every purchase—big or small—“Do I really need this right now?” You’ll find that 90% of the time, you can put items back without disrupting your life. Turn it into a game: Every expense over $20 is a “big” one that requires a two-day waiting period before purchasing. Nine times out of ten, you’ll realize that your original impulse was unnecessary, and that $35 pair of jeans or extra groceries weren’t needed after all. This approach will help you balance the checkbook, stick to your budget, save money, and become more conscious of impulse spending. These small, spontaneous purchases are often what break the bank.

One of the toughest aspects of balancing a checkbook is keeping track of the small charges put on your debit card. Combine that with cash withdrawals and fees, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. While both spouses should have financial autonomy, individual spending should still be kept within the boundaries of a budget. Talking about bills, due dates, and handling money together is the best way for two people to manage a joint account. If a shared account doesn’t work, try two separate accounts, where each person keeps track of their spending individually. Another option is to withdraw a specific amount of cash each payday and put it into a till. This is all you’ve got until the next payday. When it’s gone, you’re out of luck. At first, this might be a difficult adjustment, but with persistence, it works. Over time, you and your partner will learn how to make that cash last longer, and fast food lunches, gum, or overpriced drinks on the go will become a thing of the past. Much of financial planning is about staying aware and being mindful of what you spend versus what is truly necessary.

One downside of technology is that access to our money has become almost too easy. Online banking is convenient and should make it easier to keep track of your account balances—especially if you check it regularly. However, budgeting and communication are still crucial. If partner A has no idea what partner B is doing, or if check C for the car insurance is due, the whole plan can be derailed. This disruption can have a ripple effect on the weeks or months ahead.

If you receive extra money—such as a bonus or an unexpected dividend check—put it straight into savings. Avoid linking your checking and savings accounts to debit cards, and if possible, open them at separate banks. This way, transferring and withdrawing funds will require more effort, and in a pinch, you’ll be forced to think and act differently. The best deals for growing your money can be found in online institutions. Currently, ING Direct and Ally Bank offer higher interest rates than traditional brick-and-mortar institutions, and both are stable. An additional benefit of these banks is that when your $20-a-week savings grow, you can easily roll that money into higher-paying CDs or 401(k) accounts without penalty for low balances. Financial experts also recommend placing as much as possible into investment opportunities, so you don’t get used to the idea of spending it. When you get raises, continue to put more into your future and less into frugal expenses.

Balancing a checkbook is about realizing that constantly nickel-and-diming yourself to pay for things like a new bathroom remodel or a car purchase defeats the purpose of good financial management. Credit and lines of credit can be useful if used with low interest rates and realistic payments, allowing you to put money into the bank while paying for larger expenses. Trial and error is the best way to take control of your finances and your metaphorical checkbook. If something doesn’t work, remain flexible and change your approach, as long as it benefits your long-term interests. Budgeting and communication are, by far, the two most important elements in keeping both your checkbook and your life in balance!

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