Guiding Your Daughter on Marriage and Relationships
As a parent, your life experience shapes the guidance you offer your daughter, hoping she might learn from your mistakes. Despite your warnings, advice, and shared secrets, she often insists on finding her own path, sometimes through heartbreak. She may never admit you were right, but her headstrong determination likely mirrors your own. Yet, parents persist in talking, advising, and sharing stories to steer their children toward happiness, even when it seems to fall on deaf ears.
As she grows, the challenges shift from playground dramas or school grades to weightier topics like marriage, sex, and relationships. The instinct is to protect her from pain, to warn her about the harsh realities you’ve learned—perhaps that her charming boyfriend might have ulterior motives or that relationships can tarnish reputations. You might be tempted to say, “Men are pigs,” “You don’t need a man to be happy,” “You can’t trust men,” or “Marriage is a farce.”
But what would such warnings achieve?
Shaping Her Perspective on Love
While it’s easy to assume children ignore our words, they’re often listening closely. Filling their minds with negativity—declaring life unfair or love foolish—can rob them of the chance to find their own happiness. If a mother’s warnings paint marriage and men as inherently flawed, a daughter may grow up believing that an abusive or disrespectful relationship is normal, accepting it because “that’s what Mom said it would be.” This could lead her to settle for less than she deserves, with no incentive to seek better.
Do you want to bear that responsibility?
It’s a parent’s duty to teach children about life, but not to instill a fairy-tale view of marriage. Let your daughter see that even loving parents argue or disagree, demonstrating that relationships involve compromise and respect. Show her how you and your spouse communicate and resolve conflicts, so she understands that imperfections don’t negate love. Importantly, avoid using your daughter as a confidante for your marital struggles—that’s a role for friends or family, not children.
It’s unfair to convince her that marriage is inherently bad. Instead, share balanced, constructive advice. Tell her that all relationships require effort, that they aren’t always romantic or perfect. Describe what a healthy marriage should be, offer tips for success, and highlight red flags to help her avoid being taken advantage of.
Bridal magazines depict a wedding, not a life.
Explain that both she and her spouse will make mistakes, but these don’t mean love is absent. Encourage her to remember the feelings of being deeply in love, so she can recall why she chose marriage later on. Urge her to have essential conversations before marrying—about money, sex, expectations, gender roles, religion, parenting, and personal needs—to avoid surprises. Share a concise version of lessons from your own experience with marriage, focusing on wisdom rather than bitterness.
Above all, tell her that marriage should bring happiness, despite its challenges. It should be more right than wrong. As parents, our words carry weight—children take cues from what we say and do. Be impeccable with your advice, fostering hope and resilience so she can build a fulfilling life and relationships.
